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Friday, October 28, 2011

It's going to snow....SNOW?! In October??

It's going to snow tomorrow. October. Why is this shit happening? I hate bloody snow. I'm already stuck in the house enough as it is, but when it snows that means I am officially a prisoner in my own home. PISSED about this.

Charlotte is going to see the ENT on Wednesday to see if she needs her tongue clipped like her brother just had done. I'm still so angry at fucking Kaiser Permanente it's not even funny. 2 years of this crap, they can't speak, barely eat and are in speech therapy twice a week. All couldve been avoided had a lactation nurse LOOKED in their mouths instead of poking and pinching me and telling me things were wrong with ME and that's why my babies couldnt latch properly. Fucking assholes.

New subject. Snooki is writing a book.......oh I'm sorry, a SECOND book...*sigh* is Kim Kardashian going to be writing and directing movies soon?...I mean movies where she doesnt end them with "Oh baby cum on my face!" God I hate these people so very much. No talent, wastes of flesh that offer nothing to their communities other than ignorance and filth. Lord I sound like an uppity old woman...well, I guess I am. I hate, let me rephrase, I LOATHE who and what is considered "cool and hip" in this country. You wonder why other countries hate us so much? No, not because of our choices of politicians (Well Bush yes but no other), they hate us because they think everyone in this country is like Snooki and a Kardashian! It's a fucking joke!

I'm going to go back to my sad little world of watching Yo Gabba Gabba with my kids, at least they learn real lessons from The Gabba gang. Like don't bite your friends and share and you should always try new foods, you may like it!


Friday, October 21, 2011

Anxiety disorders SUCK

Hi, I have anxiety attacks. They show up when they want. There is no rhyme or reason as to why and they SUCK. Today my twins turn 2 years old. I am just sitting here watching Jack's Big Music Show with them and futzing around on the computer, reading The Superficial and WHAMO! My brain goes blank, my tongue starts to feel swollen and my chest tightens for a second, then my brain feels a little fuzzy and I have to get all weird and say out loud "YOU'RE FINE CUT IT OUT!" I have to take an anti anxiety medication. This is ridiculous. All I want to do is focus on what i need to do for the party tomorrow, not sit here and focus on my stupid ass brain!!

I wasn't always like this. I actually never had a panic attack until we decided to move back to CT. They just showed up and have not gone away since.

I'm going to change the subject because I spotted a story online that pissed me off. Now, as we all know there's that Prop 8 in CA that the Mormons (morons) made sure didnt pass because they hate the gays. I love how they act like marriage is this sanctimonious thing. KIM KARDASHIAN WORE WHITE!!!! Marriage means NOTHING in this country!! It's a pathetic game. Who the hell are we to say who can and cannot get married when it's nothing but a game show? How dare anyone say that gays can't marry. I happen to have more than 1 family member that is gay and guess what? They love like anyone else. If you hate the gays, FUCK YOU!

Now for a youtube from my buddy Chuck on the subject

Peace out.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

See you later dignity, it was nice knowing you

What an interesting couple of months. Well, it appears that all the feeding and speech issues I've had with my son for almost 2 years has been because,.......he's TONGUE TIED! Really? Well, he had surgery the other day to correct this. Now, excuse me if I am wrong but should this not have been noticed when he was BORN? Like when he couldnt latch and they kept telling me how inadequate I was as a mother and my son was not able to eat and because jaundice the following day because he was freaking starving?! Almost 2 god damned years we've been going through hell trying to help him eat and it's been because his poor tongue was SO tight to the bottom of his mouth he was not able to MOVE IT?! Honestly? I want to sue someone over this. I'm not kidding. I signed something in the hospital when they were born stating that I was giving up any sign of being a real woman and bottle feeding my babies.....yes, Kaiser Permanente made me sign something saying these things so my children wouldnt starve. The lactation nurse didnt think maybe, just MAYBE there was something wrong with John's tongue and thats why he couldnt eat? I'm beyond angry, they humiliated me! They put me in therapy over this! I can't even look at my breasts without thinking "big damn loser, ugly loser, you're not a real woman, you couldnt even feed your babies!"

So my baby boy had his tongue surgery the other day, it was probably more traumatizing for me than for him. He's fine. He was back running laps through the house by noon the same day. We've all been sick with a weird cold, I've had it the longest. Probably because I share food with the kids and kisses and they wipe their mouths and noses all over me.....the things I do for love.

Today is my 6th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, I went out and sold what was left of my jewelry (other than my engagement ring) so help pay the rent and feed our kids. I officially have nothing to leave my daughter when I leave this earth. It was that or go find a street corner and hope someone is looking for a good time with a fatty. Not likely. I feel like the worlds biggest loser because of this. I sold the 1 item I said I would never sell. It hurt, badly. I keep finding myself weeping over it. I know it's just "stuff" but you know what? I paid a fuckload of money for this stuff 12 years ago and got about 10% back of what it costs me originally, that shit hurts.

Considering that lack of empathy regarding this, it hurts even more. I officially have nothing left.

So that's my tale of woe for today. I'm a big fat loser....nothing new there.