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Monday, April 26, 2010

Ok, this is annoying me.

Heheheeh baby eating carrots and the look of dislike...funny.

So, I have a fair amount of friends that are married. I would like to know how many "love" their in-laws. I can count on both hands how many of my female married friends that do NOT love them, in fact, told me that once they had children, it changed how they felt about them completely. They had similar feelings before having the kids but once they were in the picture, those feelings of dislike grew even more. Now, I am not saying "hate", I am talking about dislike, mainly disliking behavior, not the person necessarily. I guess I'll leave it at that.

Well, apparently if you leave the white noise machine on during nap time, the naps last longer! Who knew.....I was trying not to use it except for bedtime but naps are very fussy so I am seeing if this helps. So far John has been asleep going on 2 hours and Miss thing over an hour and for her, that's really good. My god, they're getting so big, it's depressing. It's awesome that they're trying to talk and rolling, really standing when you hold them and they give kisses and hugs. Man, they're really cool.

I, on the other hand, am not doing well at all. I probably still do have postpartum. I still cry a lot, I have a ton of anger and fear and uncertainty. Our futures are so unclear and that worries me. I have gained a lot of weight and physically cannot stand to look at myself & I feel horrible, knees totally shot, back in constant hell. I saw myself in the mirror the other day and wanted to die. I look so gross I can hardly believe my own kids still love me.

One of my old bosses really wants me to help him on a spreadsheet project and I don't know how to tell him that I can't because I can't stomach the idea of leaving my kids with anyone other than their father and I don't want him to see me. I couldn't stand the idea of him making fun of me. I know he'd be teasing, we always had that relationship but I know that office and what a sewing circle it is, don't want to be gossiped about and I would be.

I'm tired.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Shut the hell up celebrity chicks who "lost weight"

OK so Mellisa Joan Hart is on Hoda and Kathie Lee spouting crap, and what annoys me is her losing 42 lbs. Hey guess what Melissa, if the rest of us had the cash for a trainer and chef, we'd ALL BE THIN!!! Shut the F UP!! I am sick to death of these celebs with their "I am so awesome because I lost such and such amount of weight" now we have Jennifer Hudson who lost weight...great...she had a TRAINER!!! Or Sara Rue (No one remembers who the hell she is but when she was heavy that was her appeal) They never, EVER give that info out, you have to dig online to find out about that, or hear them babbling on talk shows after someone tells them how "brave" they were to not be fat and human anymore. SUCK IT! I'm sick of it. Also, Melissa, stop talking about celebs you clearly know nothing about. You talk of Sarah Michelle Geller and Jennifer Love Hewitt having "husbands and families"....Well, you got 1 right. The other, well, I guess you don't watch TV or read the papers...J Love is SINGLE and has been for a while now. Babbling idiot. So getting back to my main point, we'd all be thinner if we all had the income to pay a trainer to keep us motivated. Well, I don't have a trainer but my kids are my motivation and I intend to get healthier. I have slobbed on way to much weight and my entire body is in constant pain because of it. I don't want to leave my babies without a momma because I was to lazy to do something about it.

I am depressed. My mom is leaving tomorrow morning. I've had help with the babies now for a good month so tomorrow its back to just me. Then Thursday the babies get their 6 month shots. At least daddy will be home for that and Uncle Dave is coming to visit for a couple days. So I get 1 day to suffer, then 4 with daddy and then back to me 24/7. *sigh*. I can't wait till we move. I need to be near my folks and friends so I have places to go with the babies.

Crap, I need to contact my PCP to get a referral to a foot doc, still can't fix my toe, need a professionals help...double sigh.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Hey Toyota! You really don't want to keep customers do you?

Ok, so my beloved spouse has decided that we "need" to have a Toyota Sienna. Now, I drive a Rav4 and it's under lease. So we thought that we'd look and see if they'd roll the lease so we could get a minivan. Now, I said if they couldnt keep the payments about the same as I was paying now then no sale. So what do they do? Try and extort money from us! I would not budge. They ran all my info and when I kept saying no, they decided they'd go over my head and hit up on the pushover, Barry. Hello? Whose car would this be? Who would be making the payments? So they've been contacting Barry about this. You know what? You'd think he'd mock them and say "You need to be talking to my wife since it would be her car" get no backup, only lip service how proud I should be of him for not buying it.....THE SHIT WOULD BE IN MY NAME, THEY'D NEED ME TO SIGN EVERYTHING SO F YOU FOOL!!! I'm not proud of shit....give me a break.....

I will be focused on being wronged by Toyota for a good 3 months, I do that. I mean I get they want the sale, but please realize that I told them more than once that I did not love it, didnt need it and would not pay over what I pay now. What do they do? Try and extort $2500 out of me and make my payments over $100 more a month and then give me a song and dance about it. NOPE!

I'm tired. My mom leaves Wednesday morning and I'm already getting anxiety over it. I have been raising my babies without help since December but it's been nice having real help over the last 3 weeks, gotten used to it, plus the babies are more scheduled now so I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to manage. At least they're in cribs now which is a major accomplishment.

Time to find food.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Crib training still...momma is tired

Look at these can anyone be annoyed with them?....try still getting up STILL every few hours because little girl just will not sleep through the night. Now, granted they go to bed between 7:30 and 8:30 and she wakes between 1AM and 3AM so for her, that IS a full nights sleep..little boy passes out and doesn't wake till about 6:30AM, he's a gooooooooooooood boy. My mom and husband keep yelling at me for getting Charlotte but I am sorry, as far as I am concerned, they officially sleep in their cribs so that's the accomplishment for now. I do not mind getting up once to feed her when she clearly is hungry. She at least goes back to sleep after about 10-15 minutes. Nap times are proving to be a bit difficult when 1 wakes up screaming which then makes the other wake up....*sigh* I'm sleepy.

What else?....Barry has agreed that we're going to move back to CT. When? Dunno...I would assume in the fall when our lease expires unless he has some other master plan that I am unaware of.

Oh for fuck sake! Some asshat downstairs is doing some sawing or drilling or something LOUD and it's vibrating!!! Naturally, the babies just passed out for a nap for the 2nd time in the last 40 minutes which they'd been fighting...OH I want to go downstairs and kick some ass!!! Flippin jackasses!!

I probably had about a million other things to bitch and moan about but I need to calm down a bit and get ready for Barry to come home, reheat last nights dinner and make a salad.

Enjoy the weekend!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Impending crib doom..and my rant about "sex addiction"

AHHHHHHHHHHHH Look at my beautiful son!! He's so cute and lovable and kissy and sweet and my god I love him so. I love his sister too but she's officially on my shit list. She is now at the point where she wants no one but me, 24/7. Even her poor daddy can't get up in the middle of the night and soothe her. This is beyond draining for me. I am exhausted. I probably blogged about this days ago but honestly, I don't remember. I am brain dead. I am like a ticking time bomb, my temper is on overload, my frustration level is about 10000%. I am SO grateful that my mom is here visiting so at least she can help with JD while Teenie is on some sort of cracked out emotional roller coaster. On top of her, we're going to be doing crib training this weekend. I am SO grateful that I'm not a member of the NRA because I'd be likely to be blowing my brains out. Shit. I'm so tired.

Well, let's see what's going on the in the world that makes me sick today shall we?...Tiger Woods new Nike ad... Oh piss the hell off with that garbage. Him standing there looking all hang dog like, makes me want to slap him dead in the face. I was and still am amused by whomever paid the plane dude to fly with the banners bashing him. Well what the hell? Havent we had enough of this asshat? Now we have to deal with this Jesse James crap?? I am heartbroken for Sandra Bullock, that guy needs to be neutered. I knew it was going to be like a day before he pulled the "sex addict" shenanigans like Tiger boy there. The ole Tiger defense....BALLS! Fucker left "rehab" after like 2 days. Was probably tossed out for trying to stick it in a patient. Scumbag. What kills me is that these men have NO regard for their own children. SICKENING. Stick that dick wherever they can, regardless of how it affects their families, selfish, disgusting bastards. I feel so badly for the kids. I feel terrible for the wives for sure but my god, it just messes with these kids and what does it teach them? Well, if we keep on with this whole "sex addict" horseshit, it teaches them, especially the boys that it's OK because it's an "illness" and NO NO NO!! UGH I hate people so very much. My kids are not going to be fooled by bullshit, not if I have anything to do with it. They will see the world as it is in their momma's eyes. What's right and what is wrong and the consequences of doing wrong in life and to others. No justifying BS like what the rest of the world is doing, makes me sick.

What else? Oh yeah, Kathie Lee, leave Hoda ALONE, I am sick of her little childish potshots every day. OK you are jealous of Hoda, we ALL GET IT, but grow up woman. Please. It makes me dislike you sometimes and I don't want to dislike you. You are all about respecting people but you're very disrespectful towards Miss Hoda and I don't like it. I bet a lot of people don't like it. Hoda for one. She's mature enough not to slap you silly. I wouldn't be so kind if I sat there taking your crap every day. Get over it.

Well, I am starving so off to find some lunch. Enjoy your weekend and pray for us all to get some sleep and that my kids don't have complete mental breakdowns from sleeping in their cribs.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Easter and such

Still can't stop singing the damned Easter rabbit song from Looney Tunes.....

Every time I'm holding a baby, I sing this stupid song....I need help. I sing this one too...

So my mom is here visiting and helping me. I feel terrible because Charlotte is now in the phase of not allowing anyone to hold her but me when she wakes up. This is especially annoying at midnight, 2AM, 4AM...etc....she was doing so well at sleeping through the night and now she's back to her crappy 2 hour interval schedule. Its making me INSANE. I'm exhausted and I feel bad, like I did something to make her want me and no one else, but I didnt! I'd love nothing more than for her to want others, especially her Nana!! Even Barry can't soothe her anymore and I know it's upsetting him. John is starting to act the same way. Is this normal?

We had an interesting Easter. We had an earthquake. We were sitting here and mom says "Why is the couch moving?", I assumed Barry was doing that leg shaking thing but then I saw the blinds were swaying back and forth and the baby swings were swinging on their own without babies in them. Crazy that we felt it all the way here.

Well, when mom leaves, I'm getting serious about losing weight. We had some pics taken the other day and I saw myself and was beyond horrified. I am scared for my babies. I don't want them to lose their parents over something so stupid that can be fixed. It's serious time.

On a not serious note. I love Supernatural and needed to watch this again...enjoy.