Goodbye 2010, here's hoping 2011 turns out good

Well 2010 is almost over. 2011 is around the corner and I hope to god we will have the rent to start it off OK. Officially broke as hell. Not sure what we are going to do. Trying not to totally freak out over this but it's getting harder everyday. Been taking my Atavan daily so I don't have a complete panic attack around my kids. I'm hoping Barry lands a job pretty much immediately or I will have to if he's not even going to try. We have been blessed that the state of CT has insured our children so we don't have to worry about that for the time being.

I'd forgotten how much I loathe the winter months. My nose does nothing but bleed every morning from the forced heat and my skin itches so much I want to rip it off. Can't get enough moisture.

My only rant about Christmas is the bad music, I love holiday music but for the love of God, I cannot stand Spike Jones songs!!! UGH it's just terrible. Have the TV on the seasons music station and they seem to think there are only like 10 albums so they play the same crap over and over at the same time every day. Madonna's "Santa baby" makes my skin crawl.

Well I hope everyone has a fun, safe holiday season and that's really all for now. I'm depressed so instead of going off an about a zillion things, I'm going to sign off.

Peace be with you all and be kind to one another, if only for a day.

It's December already??

Yep, they're both walking and John has 7 teeth. Charlotte still only has her bottom 2 and has been teething for MONTHS now it seems.

It's December? Really? Wow.....It's 10PM here and I am actually on the computer for a whopping minute so I figured I'd blog...now that I'm here, I'm brain dead.

Holy crap speaking of dead, anyone watching The Walking Dead? Fanfreakingtastic! What a creepy show. I am not usually afraid of zombie, vampire or any type of horror related thing but let me tell you, if I have to go down into the dark at 3AM, I am officially spooked by noises and think it's zombies. Yes I do.....I've gone that mental.

Well Christmas is here in New England, it's cold as hell and dark by 4PM which sucks. We are officially poor again. Was hoping that this wouldnt happen to us again but it did and it's depressing. I'm having stress headaches and crying again....BUT we're not in serious debt which is a positive....just hope we can keep the babies fed and the house warm. Bottom line, need to keep the babies fed and warm, that's all that matters. Hoping 2011 will be a good year for us all.

Yeah I keep saying I have things to bitch about and believe me, I do. I'm just to tired to bother right now. I need to log on when I'm awake and have more than 5 minutes to bang out a sentence. There are tons of things for me to go on about and not enough time.

Well, if I don't log back between now and the 25th, happy Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.

Hi CT, remember me?

Well here we are, back in CT. Been here since the beginning of Sept. but officially in our place a couple weeks ago. I am exhausted, there are not enough hours in the day to get anything done when you have to chase 2 crawling sand crabs around all day. The babies are so off schedule, it's horrifying. Neither sleep through the night, I get the most sleep after 6AM once they're both up and Barry deals with them. They only want me 24/7 and it's beyond draining. On top of that, I pinched a nerve in my neck and ended up in the ER. There's really nothing I can do since I have to constantly bend down and pick up the kids all the time, there is no time to heal at all. I try and blot out most things that I know will send me into a spiral of sadness and fear such as us pissing through the cash we have, neither of us working steadily. I am thankful I am back in the same area as my folks and some good friends. Christ I am tired.

Sorry for the lame update folks, granted, I have TONS of stuff to bitch and moan about but I'm just drained.

So much bitching, so little time....

Oh man I have so much to complain about, I don't know where to even begin!

I will start with the "Real" Housewives of New York, DC, Orange County, etc....It should really be titled "The real hookers of New York, DC, Orange County, etc...".....these woman are as "real" as Heidi Montag's tits. They have been sucking and humping their way to the "top". Can any of them cook, clean, change a diaper, DEAL with not being RICH? I don't think so, FUCK THEM ALL. Mainly screw that Solari (sp?) cunt from DC. Her and her husband should be in bloody jail for that shit they pulled at the White House. She's a freaking loser. I have never, not once watched any episodes of any of those bullshit shows, I have seen them mocked on good shows like the Soup. I can tell the other wives in DC want that bitch to be the victim of a drive by. I don't blame them, she's horrid.

Other news. I slipped in my apartment complex, taking the trash out to the trash room. They decided to mop the floor and not post a sign. I fell on my ass, twisting the shit out of my right foot and leg. This happened and Barry called the management and you what nerve they had to say? "Well maybe someone spilled something there", not "OMG is she OK?" So if something is really wrong, I'm bringing them the medical bill and paperwork and they can reimburse me. If they give me shit. I'll fucking sue them. That's the mood I am in. So if you live in an Archstone apartment and you get hurt, I hope they're nicer to you than they were to me in that regard. Assholes.

Moving back East next weekend. Scared shitless. The cats are going back Monday night with Collette. Hoping that goes smoothly or I may have a slight heart attack. We leave Friday night. Need to get Benedryl for the babies and see how that goes so I can decide if we're going to dope them for the plane ride. Their pediatrician said it was cool so before you judge me, blow me.

Other things I need to complain about...starting to lose my short term memory here, to much going on in my head at the moment.....You know what? I think the "real housewives" shit was the main thing that was eating away at me. I hate those sodded cows. All of them. I don't care if Bethany or whatever her name is is friends with Hoda (whom I love), she's terrible. Didnt care that she got knocked up before getting married, didnt care that she had a baby, don't care about her existence at all.

Oh now I remember, Jersey Shore...FUCK YOU! I was born in NJ, the majority of my family was born and raised there, a lot still live there and not ONE of them act or talk like those spray tanned fuckwits! Those assholes are mainly from NY arent they? Well it should be called "NY Dipshits" then! They need to stay the fuck out of my home state! CLOWNS! Snookie looks like a drag queen, she's not even cute! UGH! The "situation?" WTF is that? Douchebags!

I need to go kick a puppy or old lady now...SOMETHING to take out my rage....things all around are stupid...Oh my freaking lord, Paris Hilton was busted for cocaine? SHOCKING! Someone please KILL IT!!! She's just going to blow a judge to get off, just like Lohan, blow em and pay em off. What WONDERFUL role models!! I am going to teach my daughter that all these assholes are just that, assholes.

Peace

Moving

Moving back to CT next month. I've been an emotional mess from hell. Medicated and everything because I've developed panic attacks! JOY! My god, I thought I was having a heart attack. My poor doctor just said "Well, no, it was a panic attack but we'll give you an EKG to verify" and yep, no heart attack.....yet.

Christ, I started to update this HOURS ago and then the babies woke from their 5 minute nap...

OK, well hopefully I can do a proper update sometime soon because I have SO much to bitch about.

Grateful

The babies with their "gamma", Barry's mom. I can't get over how they look so alike in this pic. Amazing.

So...just thought I would say a few words about things I am grateful for. Trying something new here.

I am grateful for my husband who changes diapers and never gets mad at the babies. For my children. For the fact that they are beautiful and amazing and change every single day. I am grateful that my husband is quitting his shitty ass job and we're moving back to be with our families. I am looking forward to the little things like Sunday dinners with everyone, going pumpkin picking and buying boots and jackets for the babies. As much as I loathe winter, I can't wait to see them in the snow.

So I am going to try and be grateful for things everyday...let's see how long this lasts.

Why did I read CT Craigslist?

Why do I punish myself by reading the rants and rave sections on Craigslist? I was just reminded what a racist bunch of assclowns live in CT...and I'm moving back there....*sigh*....everything to those idiots are about race. Christ, I've been living in Los Angeles for over 8 years now and it's just not like that here. I mean there's racism everywhere, clearly, but it's just so different. Just not looking forward to the typical pissed off East Coast bullshit.

My back stings, burns and itches all at once. They took a chunk of my skin yesterday to run a biopsy. Doc said if I don't hear back in the next 5 days then that means it's nothing. The bandage is all purple from blood and it's grossing me out. I'm scared to have Barry take it off, worried I'm going to have to go back and have them restitch the area.

If whoever is letting their ratty ass little dog bark outside doesnt make it stop soon, I'm going to lose my mind. The babies need to sleep. They've barely napped all day and John is all messed up from lack of a good nap. CHRIST I HATE YAPPY LITTLE DOGS!!!! I'm overtired, not feeling great either. Don't like taking the Ativan. When my body is coming down off it, it makes me really cranky, I mean crankier than usual...more like angry. I would rather have Xanax, that agrees with me better. I probably need to email my doctor.

Shit, I hear John in his crib having a conversation. Probably with mister frog.....we have 3 mister frogs because John likes to spit up on him and it's smelly so I always have 1 in the wash.

Back hurts, I go now

I don't like false advertising

You remember those old Wendy's commercials "where's the beef?" the one where there's a giant bun and a tiny little beef patty? Well, that's what I experienced when Barry brought home the "NEW" grilled chicken sandwiches from El Pollo Loco. It was in this giant, spongy weird bun, all the salsa and crappy lettuce fell out as I picked it up. I took the bun off and was horrified to see this sad little specimen with it's fake grill marks peering back at me. I refused to eat it and promptly emailed the company telling them off.

I also emailed Pottery Barn Kids tonight. We got Peter Rabbit bumpers for the twins cribs 4 months ago. Well, I ran my hand across Charlotte's the other day and noticed a ton of little pics and the stuffing is poking out! Hello? These things were not cheap so I'm pissed. If we had gotten them on sale or as a gift, I'd be less perturbed, but we paid good money for them so I expect something more than an apology. If an 8 month old can mess up a baby bumper then someone needs to update these things. she uses hers as a foot rest or she pushes it down so she can peek out.

Let's see what else is happening....well I think if you take vicatin and ativan around the same time, bad things happen to ones stomach and brain. I had the sinus headache from hell yesterday so I took Excedrin sinus meds...then a few hours later, took a vicatin...then a couple hours later took my ativan...then I got horribly sick to my stomach and had to sleep with an ice pack on my head. It was not good.

Logo has a Buffy marathon going,....last season...sucks. Nothing more stupid than the "potential slayers"...poor Joss having to piss out a bunch of last minute episodes because UPN canceled the show, depressing.

Babies sleeping and hopefully soon will I.

Lots of meds....interesting..

Spent the morning at the doctors office...went to discuss the horrific pains in my back and hip and my new anxiety disorders...well, he questioned me about my anxiety and I broke into tears like a freak. I think I scared him. He promptly gave me Prozac and Ativan. I have never been on these kinds of medications before so I'm not sure how I feel about this. I don't know. Doc said I have torn up my back and hips to shit, muscles are all messed up, nerves pinched...hello Vicodin. On steroids and now can't take ibuprofen or it will all burn a nasty hole in my gut....*sigh*

So I thought I was going to be on a roll in the blogging department today but a little boy keeps shrieking at me so I gots to go.

Really thanks Facebook you bastards

Stupid Facebook doesnt really need to suggest I add people...especially people who tortured me during my entire childhood. I have enough bad memories to last me a lifetime but don't need them thrown in my face at random moments of the day. Some turned out OK I guess but the majority of them look like complete trash. I guess adolescence followed them into adulthood. Once a dirty washed up whore, always one I suppose. Still, who the hell were these people to torture me the way they did? If this was happening now, say, if I was a kid now and this was going on. They'd be arrested for the shit they did to me. The constant harassment and verbal abuse. You know why? Because I was THE CHUBBY KID! I have always had friends, all my life, some I've had since I was 4 years old and I don't recall being a particularly mean kid myself, but some of these people were just awful to me! What's worse is I'm moving back to where it all occurred. I think that's part of my anxiety about it. LOADS of bad memories of that state. I think if just one of them said sorry to me, I'd let it go. Then again, no. I'm Irish so there will be no letting ANYTHING go...sorry folks!

Well, there was a Toy Story marathon on yesterday and when this came on, I freaking lost it.


Talk about just ripping apart your soul! This is why I never got rid of ANY of my toys and always treated them well! Poor things. :'( What pisses me off is neither iTunes or Amazon will let you purchase the song without buying the album. They knew no one would bother with it if they could just get the 1 good song from the soundtrack. Extortion. Bastards.

John is off with his daddy to Uncle Jay's to watch soccer..Teenie is napping finally. Of course I just said that and some asshole just fired up a chainsaw so this should be short lived. I didnt go with the boys because I can watch TV at home and watch babies, no need to drive to the Valley to have it be like home. Plus I havent left the house now in 6 days, I'm on a streak that I'm not sure I want to break just yet.

Well, I guess I should call my mom and say hi.

Being fat causes headaches...really Today Show?

I haven't had a headache in a while now and I am a giant fat ass. So up yours Today Show! I am sick of "being overweight is the reason for EVERYTHING!" that they spout pretty much everyday. Dr. Joy has to weigh a whopping 62 lbs total. Good for her. Is she going to show up at my house and tell me how to eat? How to cook for my husband when I have 2 teething babies to deal with on my own all day? He's blessed and happy if I remember to put a pre-made lasagna in the oven before he gets home!! Do I wish we were uber active and eating healthy and not clinically overweight? OF COURSE! I love watching the Today Show but it loves to make me feel bad about myself almost daily. I am obsessed with the "experts" they find on this show. Most of these people don't have a freaking clue or they state the obvious.

Going to see my doc on Monday about the horrendous pain I'm having in my hips and thighs and to see what he'll say about me having panic attacks. I'm sure he'll tell me to eat right and exercise. Well, the panic attacks like to happen once I leave the house to take the babies for walks. Hence the walking coming to a complete halt. Well, me leaving the house has taken a halt unless it's with Barry or I'm meeting someone. I'm having issues taking them out by myself. Mainly because I'm terrified someone is going to try and hurt me to take them. Yes, I am convinced of this. Barry keeps telling me I'm nuts...and then it happened to a woman the other day, locally. Some nutjob woman attacked her to try and take her baby. She only has 1 baby, I have 2. How do I protect them both on my own? Yes, I am officially afraid of the outside world. Never thought it would happen but it did. Now what?

Onto something else....totally random. I really dislike people who chew gum. I think it's a gross as hell looking habit. It's just nasty. Watching Kathie Lee and Hoda and Cassidy (Kathie Lee's kid) is visiting and she's smacking gum and it looks classless. Just gross. They're going on about things men dislike, like Ugg boots and over sized sunglasses on women. Really? Fuck them. We dislike wife beater t-shirts, mullets, cheap behaviors and when they wear pants around their ankles so suck it jerks. I love my Uggs, they're comfy and I love my over sized sunglasses, they're cute and I get lots of compliments on them...from women of course but an occasional gay man will comment.

So the babies are napping. Both are teething and miserable. John is particularly unhappy. He's very clingy and whiny and likes to break my heart 24/7 and make me hella angry at the same time. He has a new thing. If he's on my lap facing away from me and I lean in, he grabs my hair and twists himself around to plant a wet sloppy kiss on whatever part of my face he can get. It's adorable and gross at the same time. Charlotte is going to be up and running any time now, I can feel it. She scares me with her energy and determination. Her main determination is to get Monkey, she is SO in love with that poor cat.

Well, things to do.

Very bad day

I'm in an extremely bad head space right now. I'm very tired as usual and more depressed than usual. My body hurts horribly and I can barely keep myself from crying. I don't want to speak to anyone and don't want anyone speaking to me. I exist solely to take care of my children and that is it. Not even sure how long that will last seeing as how I will probably drop dead of a heart attack or stroke at any given moment due to my size. Also, it's taking all my energy not to go to the gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes.

Both babies are teething and it's making things unbearable. Nothing makes them happy. The only thing they ever want is ice water because of the teething so everything is wet because they don't want to swallow it, just let it sit in their mouths. Getting them to eat is an outright bitch and I'm tired of fighting to get them to eat. Fuck it. I guess they will when they're hungry enough. I can't fixate on it or it will drive me more insane than I already am.

I'm sitting here crying like a freak and my poor daughter is looking at me like I'm nuts. This is out of control.

Teething sucks

My baby boy has a slight fever today. I think it's from his teething. I wish their little teeth would show up already, I feel so badly for both babies. She's handling it differently. She gets pissy but she just sits back and chews stuff. He's whiny and needy as hell and you just can't console him. It breaks my heart. Especially when he's pushing his little chin into my shoulder.

Today's photo is Monkey snuggling her "stinky mouse". I had bent down to pet her and she tried to snuggle my arm in so I had to do the ole switcheroo with the mouse and then ran and got the camera. She's so bloody cute sometimes.

Kaiser sent me some email to get my personalized health assessment. So I took it...shocking, I'm depressed! Wow, didnt need to answer a zillion questions to know the obvious. Oh and I need to lose weight....*sigh*

Nothing else really to report. BP still fucking over the environment and then the CEO fucker whined about how he "wanted his life back"...and then quickly backpeddled as quickly as it fell out of his mouth. That stupid bastard. James Cameron needs to shut his hole too. He thinks way to highly of himself if he's "hiring people to find a solution" but if he pulls it off then all BP executives should be round up & executed.

Oops baby up!

The last 8 years

I think today we should go over the last 8 years and how things are wrapping up here in LA for me. Well, this may just be my opinion but someone said to me the other day "you're leaving? WTF? Well, I never see you but it was always nice knowing you're here"....was that supposed to be a compliment? I actually found that extremely insulting to be honest. I've found a lot of people here who thought of me as "friend" never really treated me like one. To be fair, some have become my friend and I'm hoping will continue to be for years to come, even if it is long distance. I worked in the same place for 8 years. I thought when I left that some of those people would keep in touch since we were like "family". Nope. If I want to talk to them, I have to contact them. I'm tired. I'm going to cut a shitload of ties when I leave here. I was happy here for the majority of years. The last 7 months, not at all. Been wanting out of this place since the day the twins were born. I have never felt as alone in my life as I have since I had the twins. There have been a handful of people who have bothered to come and see them and considering the amount of people we know here, I find that extremely hurtful. To those who couldn't be bothered, thanks for nothing. Thanks for wasting my time, my energy and my friendship. I find myself to be a fierce and loyal friend as is my husband. Bottom line, I don't like wasting my time.

Like I said, I'm tired. I'm also tired of arguing with my spouse. Hence my not speaking verbally around here anymore unless it's to the babies. I'm tired of everything that comes out of my mouth being "wrong". Example. We had a series of earthquakes last night, so he says to me this morning "did you hear that crashing last night? I think it came from upstairs, I thought it was maybe an earthquake but nothing else moved" then I saw on the internet that we did have earthquakes so I mention it and I get (in a snarly ass tone like I'm a complete moron) "NO that's not what I heard". So you know what? Fine. I know nothing, I'm the queen of the idiots, whatever. I'm bloody exhausted, I have a home that I can't keep picked up or clean because he constantly drops shit everywhere, nothing ends up in the garbage unless I put it in there. clothes are always on the floor until the laundry fairy picks it up, washes it and puts it away. Receipts don't shred themselves or get picked up off the damned floor unless I get rid of them. Bottles and dishes always wash themselves too. I'm a housewife, I get it. It's what it is and I'm fine with being home and raising my kids. I'm not however, a house slave and don't like being treated like one.

In other words, I guess I'm not worth a shit around here. I get passive aggressive behavior, I live with it. It was never this bad till I said I wanted to move but NOT to VA, so I guess that makes me some hateful cow. Fine. We never discuss moving and we're supposed to go in September? It's June already. How the bloody hell is that going to happen? Yeah. I'm sure if I was gung ho about VA, we'd be there already.

I'm in complete physical pain, I know this is because I'm obese, I get it. Weird thing is though, I'm not food obsessed. I honestly don't give 2 shits if we have dinner. It's not a concern to me, ever. Watched the Al Roker thing this morning about his weight loss. Good for him. We're all happy for him. I am a bit tired though of people losing weight because of stomach bypass surgery. I'm not getting that surgery and most of us fattys don't have the insurance or recovery time for it. Speaking of, I get more skin removed at the end of the month to see if I have cancer. Probably do and won't do shit about it because heaven forbid I need someone home with me to help with the babies. So whatever. Yeah I'm very pissed off.

Well, I think the twins are napping so I'm going to shower so I smell less horrible. Oh, nope, she's still up. Oh well, doesnt matter.

Sunday

It's Sunday, Teenie woke at 4:40, daddy got her and she was promptly back in her crib 20 minutes later...SCREAMING so guess who has been up ever since? Yeah not only me but her brother woke up too. Charlotte is back in bed and John is up, been up. Oh and daddy is asleep.....Mommy is in one crappy ass mood now. Would be nice to be able to sleep. I'm beyond bitter right now. Trying to maintain my attitude. Taking a lot for me not to go in with a bullhorn and wake him up. I've already been barfed on twice in the last hour by my son. Again, trying to maintain.

I wish I had something profound to say or share but I don't. Just sitting here in the wee hours of the day, with my boy, trying not to think of tomorrow, just taking things a day at a time or I'll lose my mind. Christ it's June. We're supposed to move in September? Wow, wonder how the hell that's going to work out. You know since we have nowhere to go, nothing packed, no jobs there, no movers hired, no clue how we're going to move the cats, how the babies will sleep if they're not in their own cribs....FUCK I gotta go.

Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day everyone. Please thank a soldier if you see one today. Which actually you should every time you see one. My dad is a military man. Bless those in uniform.

Thursday

Yes, it's only Thursday. No catchy title for today. Not that I've ever actually done a catchy title but you know what I'm saying.

So Lee won American Idol. Well, good for him. Those opposed, GET OVER IT! Crystal will do just fine. She's a talented young lady with a bright musical career ahead. Those whining about how she was "robbed" can go suck a bag of dick. If you are so pissed then maybe you should've sat by the phone and voted your little hearts out. Lee won because millions of teenage girls thought he was "dreamy". Bottom line, TEENAGERS VOTE ON AMERICAN IDOL. Adults can't really be bothered except to sit and watch and bitch when their favorite does not win. WAH WAH WAH, enough. It's over thankfully. Time to move onto things that are important in the world.

BP....FIX THE MOTHER FUCKING LEAK YOU DAFT FUCKTARDS! What the Sam hell is wrong with them? They had no plan on what to do if this happened? Well, apparently freaking NOT! Now, people are blaming Obama for this continuing? Are you freaking HIGH!? You can blame PAST government on the NO regulations for the oil companies! Give me bloody break! Now they're pumping dirt into the pipe...now I'm no scientist but if you do that, isnt it going to back it up and possibly create a BIGGER BURST? Just seems to me like something like that is bound to happen because of PRESSURE!.....Oh god people are just plain horrible and stupid and I for one am tired of it. Watching Obama now talking about it and the media doing what they do best, whining that things are his fault and that they can't blame the Bush administration for anything blah blah blah. Really? All people did for 8 years was BLAME CLINTON!!! I am really starting to hate this country and that makes me sad.

I have been in the house now for the last 4 days. Is that wrong? Probably. I have gone somewhat insane I'll admit. Barry says the media has gotten to me. He's probably right. I don't like taking the babies out on my own. I'm afraid someone will try and hurt me to get to my children and being alone, I won't be able to defend them both. I don't like the way people look at my children when I'm out with them alone. I will do whatever I have to to protect my children and I feel that's what I'm doing by staying home. Bottom line, I don't trust people. They are sick and twisted and the world is a far more creepy place then it was when I was a kid. No matter where we go, there's always someone who comes up to me and says "I really wanted twins, especially what you have, a boy and a girl" and to be honest, the second they say that, I get the creeps.

One last thing for the day. My husband's office manager is a raging cunt. She's unprofessional, annoying and should be fired for being disrespectful and lazy.

That is all for today

Venting and REALLY depressed

I can't deal with my cats anymore. I do not know what to do with them. Because of Monkey's condition, the cats eat nothing but protein and since that's the case, Bean is starving. I have to constantly pick the food up because if I don't, Monkey will eat 24/7, non stop. She has lost a lot of weight but she still cannot clean herself properly so I have to do it. I can't constantly clean the carpets and wipe her butt and make sure my babies arent crawling around in cat grossness. Tonight has put me in a serious bout of depression. Monkey came out scooting her butt and we all know what that means. I went nuts, locked her in the bathroom with me and cleaned her best I could. I just don't know what I am supposed to do. The idea of giving them to someone else, eats my soul and breaks my heart. We rescued Bean from the streets. We have been the constant in her life. We got Monkey as a brand new kitten and we are all she's ever known and she's an extremely skittish animal. We're going to move across the country and how am I supposed to handle them? I can't drive thousands of miles with them and how much is it going to cost to "ship" them?

I keep weeping over this. I love them so much but I am having the worst time handling them.

Another week over

This happy face is what keeps me going. His and his sisters. I will do anything for that smile, my god look at him. Today they are 7 months old. 7 MONTHS! My lord I cannot believe that.

At the moment, they're both napping. Naps are few and far between these days. They are both eating their fruits and veggies (for the most part). Charlotte had decided she wasn't going to eat her cereal for a while there but she's been better the last couple nights. Daddy has had to take over night feeding because by the end of the day, Mommy is D-O-N-E. I cannot hear whining and fussiness by the end of the day. I'm aware that he works all day but what do you call raising 2 babies all day with no help? I call that work.

I'm a bit annoyed that I'm getting advice from my spouse telling me to take the kids out. Well, if it didn't screw them up so badly, I probably would do it more. I'm sorry but when I do take them places, even for a couple hours, it kills the rest of my day because it makes them beyond fussy and weird and then they refuse to nap and I can't put them down or they get more berserk. So needless to say, I'm extremely selective about doing anything with them during the week. Come the weekend, if Daddy decides they need to do things, their fussy behaviors then become his problem for the remainder of the day.

I'm exhausted.

Life is strange

Got an email from my mom today telling me that someone I knew and used to be friends with passed away suddenly. He was only 45. My heart is aching for his wife and their 3 kids. That scares me a lot. I am terrified that God is going to take either me or Barry away to early from the twins. It's a fear that tears me out of sleep.

I spent the majority of last week at Kaiser. I am on like 4 types of antibiotics and pain killers and to be honest, I'm really tired of trying to remember to take things 4 times a day. I ended up in the ER one day, have some nerve damage to my hip/thigh which is really scary when you can't even walk. Realized this at 5AM last week and totally freaked out. Barry had to stay home with me for a couple days to help with the babies. I could barely pick them up. I also had a test done on a mole on my back and naturally its "abnormal" so I'm waiting for the surgery dept. to call me and make an appt. to have more cut off and examined. This doesnt count the fact that I need to go back and have like 5 more examined.....*sigh*...all of this makes me feel very old.

We got our new bed, it's really comfy. I had some gnarly leg cramps the first couple of nights. The cats love it of course. It's nice being able to flop onto it and Barry doesnt get disturbed and vice versa.

Well, we just made a Target run for formula and a McDonald's run for a frappe. Just fed some squash and corn to the boy and they both had bottles....hoping they decide to nap again before bedtime. Lately I've been lucky to get them to take 1 in the morning. They both crashed in the car for a bit so not sure if sleep will come to them again before 7:30.

Watching last night's Idol....seriously, if Crystal doesn't win it all, I'm going to be annoyed. This Kara chick is just HORRIBLE...I don't know who she is, never seen her before this but CHRIST she's got a face just begging for a slappin. There's something about her face that bugs me.

One more episode of LOST....I'm not sure yet how to feel about it. I guess no one does. It's amazing though that we've all sat through this since the beginning and it's NEVER made any damned sense! I'm curious to see if they took any notes from Joss Whedon's fan fuckary (as my Johnna says). God I hope not. Shit, I'm tired.

My rant for today is WHY did they allow Wil Smith to remake the Karate Kid? It looks plain horrible! It did NOT need to be redone! It especially didnt need to be remade with his kid in it. Talk about ego! UGH! I honestly hope no one goes to see it. The whole thing is stupid. What's next? The Breakfast Club starring Justin Bieber? UHHHHHHHHHG!! That is a kid I DO NOT GET! I feel hes' being hoisted upon us, everywhere I turn, there he is with his "baby baby baby baby baby" song which is just BAD! I love Ellen but she needs to stop forcing him on me, it makes me angry. SOMEONE CUT HIS BAD HAIR PLEASE!! Oh I really dislike his hair.

Another diss, WTF is with this "Killers" movie? It was called TRUE LIES! IT'S BEEN DONE! Ashton Kutcher needs to kindly take a vacation from us all for about 20 years....his Nikon commercials are crappy enough and his films are just never good so please make it stop.

OK trying to get the babies to nap now...comedy thy name is me.... OooooH Tabula Rasa is on! Thank you Buffy!

Just a lot of pain & anger

Let me explain something to you. If someone hurts someone I love, albeit , mentally or physically, they may forgive them. I, however, will NOT forgive them nor forget, EVER. I will smile at them, say hello, maybe even give them a hug if need be, but inside, I loathe them with every core of my being and I am only being polite for you because of my love for you. My mom calls it my "Irish side". Whatever it is, it is what it is. I guess it's not particularly "Christian" of me but I don't really care. I understand at the end, it's God's job to ultimately judge what people do, whatever. You hurt someone I love, fuck you til you die. This is who I am and that's never going to change.

I am in tremendous physical pain right now, not going to go into great detail on where or why, but I see a doctor in the morning. I took a vicotin and I have not taken one of those since the babies were born, that is how much pain I am in. Normally I take ibuprofen but I'm out and don't want to take naproxen.

Charlotte is awake. She's been up since 5:30AM. She passed out for a brief 40 minute nap, woke up the second I got out of the shower, her new favorite thing to do, oh and not nap at all after 2PM. Naturally now I'm wearing pajamas again. Both babies are teething pretty badly. So we have fussy ass babies, a momma in tremendous pain and no one here to help me. You wonder why I cry so much? Well, there you have it.

Off to do what I do best, laundry.

Happy Mothers day...WHY WON'T THEY NAP?!

So it's like I can never leave the house with these 2 ever again. If I do, it completely screws up their naps and then they are totally f-ed up the entire afternoon into bedtime. Last 3 days, they've been out in the day time and each afternoon, after 3PM, I cannot get them to nap, no matter what I do! Even though they are both clearly totally exhausted, they will NOT succumb to what they need to do! It's like they're punishing me for trying to get some damned sunlight! I've pretty much had it. It will now have to be us at home 24/7 unless daddy is home to give me a small break. As unhealthy as it is for me to be at home all the time, it's just going to have to be this way. I can't deal with them having cosmic meltdowns every afternoon because their naps are messed up. *sigh*

Well, happy mothers day all. My husband wrote me a story and got me a new bed :) I was happy about this. Mainly I am happy with the story, it made me cry. It's about my kids but as animals...which they are anyway but you get me.

Hope all my momma friends had a decent day.

Defeated

I'm totally defeated on so many levels. I made the mistake yesterday of taking these 2 out of the house which made them completely wired for the rest of the day and fussy. Today is shaping up to suck too. I put them down for a nap and got into the shower and could hear the screaming. John took a whole 20 minute nap, she took none. They're both up and fussy and I'm on the verge of tears as usual and have changed my shirt twice from the spit up. Charlotte will try NO new foods, will not open her mouth for even a second to try anything. Last couple days, she won't even eat her cereal for me anymore. I'm really lost with how to deal. I need my mom and friends around and I have no one here.

I have no motivation to even move except to get Charlotte because she's crawling and I don't want her to get hurt.

As far as "Mother's day" is concerned, I don't even want it acknowledged since I don't feel I'm a particularly good mom. Not only that but I just want to be left alone. By everyone.

Monday blues

I like this face, it's kissy and cute.

What I don't like is people trying to cause drama for me that I don't need. I have enough BS going on in my world thank you. If you have nothing better to do than gossip about me (lord you must have less of a life than I do if that's the case) then you need to grow up.

Well, it's been a week now and Charlotte still insists on waking up a few times each night for food. Poor daddy keeps having to change crib sheets due to leaky diapers and I don't get to ever sleep more than 4 hours at a clip. This doesnt help my mentality at all.

Today was probably the best day as far as trying new foods for the babies. They had sweet potatoes. Yesterday was squash which wasnt a total failure but today was better. I broke down and got bananas and apples...The pediatrician told us to start them on veggies first which we did. I can't force them to eat peas...maybe once they're used to eating things they don't hate, they'll be more open to eat the peas. This is my way of thinking (which is probably all wrong but whatever).

The fuckers at Tylenol decided to try and poison all of Americas babies, toddlers and kids by letting bad batches of pretty much ALL their products be sold for MONTHS before calling a recall on products that "may or may not have to much or to little of certain ingredients"...in other words, they fucked up...royally. I personally have 4 bottles of their products. 2 of which have no been used but 2 are currently in use. I keep their meds separate, it makes it easier for me to just write their name on the bottles.

I just downloaded that horrible ring tone from the Geico website that the boss has..the "RING-A-DING-A DINGY DONG" tone....because I am a dork.

I'm exhausted and to tired to bitch about things that are really bugging me today.

Ok, this is annoying me.

Heheheeh baby eating carrots and the look of dislike...funny.

So, I have a fair amount of friends that are married. I would like to know how many "love" their in-laws. I can count on both hands how many of my female married friends that do NOT love them, in fact, told me that once they had children, it changed how they felt about them completely. They had similar feelings before having the kids but once they were in the picture, those feelings of dislike grew even more. Now, I am not saying "hate", I am talking about dislike, mainly disliking behavior, not the person necessarily. I guess I'll leave it at that.

Well, apparently if you leave the white noise machine on during nap time, the naps last longer! Who knew.....I was trying not to use it except for bedtime but naps are very fussy so I am seeing if this helps. So far John has been asleep going on 2 hours and Miss thing over an hour and for her, that's really good. My god, they're getting so big, it's depressing. It's awesome that they're trying to talk and rolling, really standing when you hold them and they give kisses and hugs. Man, they're really cool.

I, on the other hand, am not doing well at all. I probably still do have postpartum. I still cry a lot, I have a ton of anger and fear and uncertainty. Our futures are so unclear and that worries me. I have gained a lot of weight and physically cannot stand to look at myself & I feel horrible, knees totally shot, back in constant hell. I saw myself in the mirror the other day and wanted to die. I look so gross I can hardly believe my own kids still love me.

One of my old bosses really wants me to help him on a spreadsheet project and I don't know how to tell him that I can't because I can't stomach the idea of leaving my kids with anyone other than their father and I don't want him to see me. I couldn't stand the idea of him making fun of me. I know he'd be teasing, we always had that relationship but I know that office and what a sewing circle it is, don't want to be gossiped about and I would be.

I'm tired.

Shut the hell up celebrity chicks who "lost weight"

OK so Mellisa Joan Hart is on Hoda and Kathie Lee spouting crap, and what annoys me is her losing 42 lbs. Hey guess what Melissa, if the rest of us had the cash for a trainer and chef, we'd ALL BE THIN!!! Shut the F UP!! I am sick to death of these celebs with their "I am so awesome because I lost such and such amount of weight"...like now we have Jennifer Hudson who lost weight...great...she had a TRAINER!!! Or Sara Rue (No one remembers who the hell she is but when she was heavy that was her appeal) They never, EVER give that info out, you have to dig online to find out about that, or hear them babbling on talk shows after someone tells them how "brave" they were to not be fat and human anymore. SUCK IT! I'm sick of it. Also, Melissa, stop talking about celebs you clearly know nothing about. You talk of Sarah Michelle Geller and Jennifer Love Hewitt having "husbands and families"....Well, you got 1 right. The other, well, I guess you don't watch TV or read the papers...J Love is SINGLE and has been for a while now. Babbling idiot. So getting back to my main point, we'd all be thinner if we all had the income to pay a trainer to keep us motivated. Well, I don't have a trainer but my kids are my motivation and I intend to get healthier. I have slobbed on way to much weight and my entire body is in constant pain because of it. I don't want to leave my babies without a momma because I was to lazy to do something about it.

I am depressed. My mom is leaving tomorrow morning. I've had help with the babies now for a good month so tomorrow its back to just me. Then Thursday the babies get their 6 month shots. At least daddy will be home for that and Uncle Dave is coming to visit for a couple days. So I get 1 day to suffer, then 4 with daddy and then back to me 24/7. *sigh*. I can't wait till we move. I need to be near my folks and friends so I have places to go with the babies.

Crap, I need to contact my PCP to get a referral to a foot doc, still can't fix my toe, need a professionals help...double sigh.

Hey Toyota! You really don't want to keep customers do you?

Ok, so my beloved spouse has decided that we "need" to have a Toyota Sienna. Now, I drive a Rav4 and it's under lease. So we thought that we'd look and see if they'd roll the lease so we could get a minivan. Now, I said if they couldnt keep the payments about the same as I was paying now then no sale. So what do they do? Try and extort money from us! I would not budge. They ran all my info and when I kept saying no, they decided they'd go over my head and hit up on the pushover, Barry. Hello? Whose car would this be? Who would be making the payments? So they've been contacting Barry about this. You know what? You'd think he'd mock them and say "You need to be talking to my wife since it would be her car"...no...I get no backup, only lip service how proud I should be of him for not buying it.....THE SHIT WOULD BE IN MY NAME, THEY'D NEED ME TO SIGN EVERYTHING SO F YOU FOOL!!! I'm not proud of shit....give me a break.....

I will be focused on being wronged by Toyota for a good 3 months, I do that. I mean I get they want the sale, but please realize that I told them more than once that I did not love it, didnt need it and would not pay over what I pay now. What do they do? Try and extort $2500 out of me and make my payments over $100 more a month and then give me a song and dance about it. NOPE!

I'm tired. My mom leaves Wednesday morning and I'm already getting anxiety over it. I have been raising my babies without help since December but it's been nice having real help over the last 3 weeks, gotten used to it, plus the babies are more scheduled now so I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to manage. At least they're in cribs now which is a major accomplishment.

Time to find food.

Crib training still...momma is tired

Look at these faces....how can anyone be annoyed with them?....try still getting up STILL every few hours because little girl just will not sleep through the night. Now, granted they go to bed between 7:30 and 8:30 and she wakes between 1AM and 3AM so for her, that IS a full nights sleep..little boy passes out and doesn't wake till about 6:30AM, he's a gooooooooooooood boy. My mom and husband keep yelling at me for getting Charlotte but I am sorry, as far as I am concerned, they officially sleep in their cribs so that's the accomplishment for now. I do not mind getting up once to feed her when she clearly is hungry. She at least goes back to sleep after about 10-15 minutes. Nap times are proving to be a bit difficult when 1 wakes up screaming which then makes the other wake up....*sigh* I'm sleepy.

What else?....Barry has agreed that we're going to move back to CT. When? Dunno...I would assume in the fall when our lease expires unless he has some other master plan that I am unaware of.

Oh for fuck sake! Some asshat downstairs is doing some sawing or drilling or something LOUD and it's vibrating!!! Naturally, the babies just passed out for a nap for the 2nd time in the last 40 minutes which they'd been fighting...OH I want to go downstairs and kick some ass!!! Flippin jackasses!!

I probably had about a million other things to bitch and moan about but I need to calm down a bit and get ready for Barry to come home, reheat last nights dinner and make a salad.

Enjoy the weekend!

Impending crib doom..and my rant about "sex addiction"

AHHHHHHHHHHHH Look at my beautiful son!! He's so cute and lovable and kissy and sweet and my god I love him so. I love his sister too but she's officially on my shit list. She is now at the point where she wants no one but me, 24/7. Even her poor daddy can't get up in the middle of the night and soothe her. This is beyond draining for me. I am exhausted. I probably blogged about this days ago but honestly, I don't remember. I am brain dead. I am like a ticking time bomb, my temper is on overload, my frustration level is about 10000%. I am SO grateful that my mom is here visiting so at least she can help with JD while Teenie is on some sort of cracked out emotional roller coaster. On top of her, we're going to be doing crib training this weekend. I am SO grateful that I'm not a member of the NRA because I'd be likely to be blowing my brains out. Shit. I'm so tired.

Well, let's see what's going on the in the world that makes me sick today shall we?...Tiger Woods new Nike ad... Oh piss the hell off with that garbage. Him standing there looking all hang dog like, makes me want to slap him dead in the face. I was and still am amused by whomever paid the plane dude to fly with the banners bashing him. Well what the hell? Havent we had enough of this asshat? Now we have to deal with this Jesse James crap?? I am heartbroken for Sandra Bullock, that guy needs to be neutered. I knew it was going to be like a day before he pulled the "sex addict" shenanigans like Tiger boy there. The ole Tiger defense....BALLS! Fucker left "rehab" after like 2 days. Was probably tossed out for trying to stick it in a patient. Scumbag. What kills me is that these men have NO regard for their own children. SICKENING. Stick that dick wherever they can, regardless of how it affects their families, selfish, disgusting bastards. I feel so badly for the kids. I feel terrible for the wives for sure but my god, it just messes with these kids and what does it teach them? Well, if we keep on with this whole "sex addict" horseshit, it teaches them, especially the boys that it's OK because it's an "illness" and NO NO NO!! UGH I hate people so very much. My kids are not going to be fooled by bullshit, not if I have anything to do with it. They will see the world as it is in their momma's eyes. What's right and what is wrong and the consequences of doing wrong in life and to others. No justifying BS like what the rest of the world is doing, makes me sick.

What else? Oh yeah, Kathie Lee, leave Hoda ALONE, I am sick of her little childish potshots every day. OK you are jealous of Hoda, we ALL GET IT, but grow up woman. Please. It makes me dislike you sometimes and I don't want to dislike you. You are all about respecting people but you're very disrespectful towards Miss Hoda and I don't like it. I bet a lot of people don't like it. Hoda for one. She's mature enough not to slap you silly. I wouldn't be so kind if I sat there taking your crap every day. Get over it.

Well, I am starving so off to find some lunch. Enjoy your weekend and pray for us all to get some sleep and that my kids don't have complete mental breakdowns from sleeping in their cribs.

Easter and such

Still can't stop singing the damned Easter rabbit song from Looney Tunes.....



Every time I'm holding a baby, I sing this stupid song....I need help. I sing this one too...


So my mom is here visiting and helping me. I feel terrible because Charlotte is now in the phase of not allowing anyone to hold her but me when she wakes up. This is especially annoying at midnight, 2AM, 4AM...etc....she was doing so well at sleeping through the night and now she's back to her crappy 2 hour interval schedule. Its making me INSANE. I'm exhausted and I feel bad, like I did something to make her want me and no one else, but I didnt! I'd love nothing more than for her to want others, especially her Nana!! Even Barry can't soothe her anymore and I know it's upsetting him. John is starting to act the same way. Is this normal?

We had an interesting Easter. We had an earthquake. We were sitting here and mom says "Why is the couch moving?", I assumed Barry was doing that leg shaking thing but then I saw the blinds were swaying back and forth and the baby swings were swinging on their own without babies in them. Crazy that we felt it all the way here.

Well, when mom leaves, I'm getting serious about losing weight. We had some pics taken the other day and I saw myself and was beyond horrified. I am scared for my babies. I don't want them to lose their parents over something so stupid that can be fixed. It's serious time.

On a not serious note. I love Supernatural and needed to watch this again...enjoy.

My rant about the Duggars

First off, here's the twins enjoying their first taste of solid food...total amusement.

Onto the matter at hand today....The Duggars and their premature baby. OK it's heartbreaking and miraculous all at the same time. Do you think they'd LEARN?? Lord no, sources say Michelle says if God wants her to have more then she will. Jim Bob needs to get SNIPPED!! The fact that his wife and child could've died and he'll do nothing to guarantee that can't happen again?! He's a selfish prick. I think they should be grateful as hell that they have had 18 perfectly healthy children. Do they not realize the possible complications she's going to have for years? No of course not as long as Jim Bob gets some poontang, that's apparently the only really important thing. I'm super annoyed about this for some reason. I think he uses his wife as a sperm dumpster, keeps her barefoot and pregnant and he's teaching all his daughters that this is their sole purpose in life too...yep, that's the main thing that pisses me off. His sons think all women are good for is to feed them and fuck them and make babies. SCREW THAT! Anyone tell these fools what century we are in? Just curious. I think a judge so put a stop to Jim Bob and his overactive penis. I may have to petition for this. I'm seriously disgusted with them. I'm sorry but a vagina is not a clown car.

My mom will be here in approximately 6 hours. Pardon me while I do the Snoopy dance. *tappity tappity tappity*

Another rant. Please Foodnetwork, I do NOT need the over pronunciation of Italian words, please make Giada stop it. Also, Guy Fieri's last name is pronounced "Fee-air-e" not "Fee-etty" so STOP IT!

Ok I'm tired but why am I SO tired?

Ok I am beyond tired, I am exhausted. My entire body hurts like all my bones are about to break. I can barely crawl out of bed, feels like everything is shutting down.

The babies are both eating rice cereal at night now in hopes that Charlotte will learn to sleep through the night if her tummy is full. Last night was epic fail. She woke at 2:45 and didnt go back down til after 4AM. She's so far today, pooped 5 times!! What the hell? Is that even normal? Poor John can barely squeeze 1 out in 48 hours and he's pure misery til he does. Right now he's succumbed to taking a late nap because he's making momma NUTS. She's in her swing fighting it all the way, I may go mental in a few minutes. I just want them to be happy and not be in discomfort.

Nana is coming tomorrow (hoping not to have any flight delays). I get relief for 2 weeks thank you lord! She may even stay even longer depending on how things go and if she doesnt feel like going home. I'm cool with it.

Well, I'm watching What would Brian Boitano Make? which is the best show ever. Seriously it is! Everyone should watch it, makes people happy :)

I'm out.

Hurt feelings, emotion overload..not sure about my future anymore

I need to post this picture so I remember why I am still breathing. I am in a very bad space right now. I have spent the last week being tortured by the quintessential queen of passive aggressive behavior. How someone can compliment and insult you in the same breathe amazes me. I have been put down about a million times and always with a smile. My feelings are beyond hurt. It's not OK when someone is feeding your child and says all in a lovey dovey voice "Oh let me feed you and I won't overfeed you so maybe this time you won't throw up my honey" or when one of my babies wakes up for a minute from a nap and I say "yeah they'll go back to sleep, they do that all the time" (which they DO) then said person sits in front of them and starts bloody talking to them, thus stimulating them and then they won't nap and I deal with constant meltdowns ALL DAY BECAUSE YOU WON'T LET THEM SLEEP!! Also, coughing like a lung is going to dislodge itself from your chest wakes them and I don't appreciate it being followed by "and why are YOU awake?"after one of them wakes up screaming. Then I hear phone calls and we pretend I'm not in the room and say things like "well John had himself a little meltdown....no, I have no idea WHY that would keep happening" and then shooting me looks like I'm fucking Satan.

I am officially not sure of my future. I'm not in a competition but apparently they didnt get that memo and think we are. No matter how I am treated or how others act towards me and my children, I will always come in last. I am aware of that now completely.

Blonde again and my babies turn 5 months on Sunday

My babies turn 5 months in 2 days. I may cry. I cannot get over how big they are. Especially John. He's like 16 pounds, it's like picking up a big turkey and he's not helpful when you do. His sister is helpful, she stiffens herself and arches her back so you can get her. I think it's mainly because she wants to be held 24/7 whereas he's a bit more independent.

Yeah the pic of me is bad, that was before I had my roots done and most of my hair chopped off again. But John is SO happy in this pic.

Grandma W is here visiting, it's nice that I can do things like get my hair done and have lunch without taking the babies with me. I'm not feeling that great too so it's good she's here.

Having lunch with Euricka today and telling them that no, I'm not coming back. Unless they offer me a 6 figure salary which won't happen in any world so whatever, not sweating it.

Very tired and not in typical humor today, but it's Friday so that's good and I'm having sushi for lunch which rocks.

She slept through the night! *tappity tappity*

Happy St. Patrick's Day y'all!! My baby girl slept from 10PM til 5AM this morning and I'm thrilled! I think it was because Barry woke her from her late afternoon nap and then we gave her a bath. She then had a major allergy attack so I made him close the porch and turn on the AC. It's like freaking summer here in LA already. There is no breeze and it's just hot so I had the AC on all day yesterday so the babies were protected from the elements.

So I've been up since 5AM and did not go back to bed. Watched the Wake Up LA morning crew with Chris Schauble, he rocks. Now onto the Today Show..hoping not to have to look at Jenna Bush Hager today...maybe she's on vacation...like her father always was...ugh.

MIL shows up in the next 2 hours till next Wednesday. Nice to have someone around to help out with the babies....but she's not my mom so it's different. I was not amused when I had the MIL conversation with my spouse who informed me that he "understood about feeling threatened". WTF? Excuse me? Hold the phone.....I love this man, I truly do BUT he occasionally has the brain of a damned turnip. I don't feel threatened by her. I flat out don't trust the person I find asleep dangling my baby off the bloody COUCH! Pardon Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for not wanting my children harmed. Does my MIL love the babies? OF COURSE SHE DOES! Do I like my MIL? YES I DO! BUT, she's not MY mother so be quiet! Not only that but I'm Irish so I never, EVER forget when someone has done wrong to me or those I love. So I don't get over things....ever.

Well, it's time to watch Matt Lauer and try and drink my coffee...oh and I have to finish watching AI to see how horrible some of these people are. I am still pissed they booted off mullet kid last week. He was WAY better than token Latino kid. Also, disgusted that Lily girl was totally shocked since she's not very good and needs to get over herself. She was on Ellen yesterday and yeah, I still dislike her.

Had a feeling it was a matter of time...

Got a call last night from my old job asking if I'd come back...to "think about it and discuss it with my husband and call back today"....ok, first off, didn't really need to discuss with Barry, he shares the same opinion on this that I do. Not going back. Unless they offer me a good 75K a year seeing as how it would be managing 4 offices which I know darn well that they'll laugh that out of the park. Then 5 minutes later, the girl I worked with called and asked me if I wanted to do their marketing from home.....hold on, I haven't stopped laughing over that one yet.....how the hell am I supposed to do that without proper software and oh yeah, TIME?! Christ, being on the computer for more than 4 minutes is damn near impossible. No, I can't do it when Barry gets home because he has to do his marketing on the computer..... not only that but I have heard how badly everything has blown up and that is a mess I want nothing to do with. The conversation kept me awake last night, just the idea of how much work needs to be done to get things back to civil happy order and it makes me want to throw up. How did things get so messed up? I just don't understand....

Not only am I not going back because it won't cover childcare but we are thinking of moving back East so either way, they'd need to find someone else. Plus, I just adore my babies so much, I cannot stomach the idea of leaving them in the care of people I don't know personally or trust so there you have it.

Well, I finally got a shower in, so we get to venture off to Target again for formula...Charlotte fell asleep before I hit the shower and John whimpered himself out. Poor boy keeps trying to poop so it's exhausting him....

Well, just wanted to pop in today, things to do and it's bloody hot out so I have the kids in cool clothes today....and they match which is so FREAKING CUTE!!!

Who has 2 thumbs and doesnt give a shit that Corey Haim died?

Me! My god I hate the media and I loathe Hollywood even more. No one with possibly the exception of his mother and Corey Feldman gives a shit that Corey Haim died! If he'd died from natural causes or cancer or something then I'd feel bad but he was a junkie and it was because of his addiction that he died. Case closed, move on please. So sick of "flu like symptoms" COME ON! He was on freaking drugs that had nothing to do with the flu! UGH!!! Nyquil certainly didnt kill him, unless he drank 70 gallons of it.

Moving on, that was my morning rant but I feel another one brewing. Also today, Miss Charlotte has decided she is not going to sleep for more than 4 hours at a clip at night. I damn near had a nervous breakdown at 4AM. Mommy is TIRED.

Ok onto rant #2. Lindsay Lohan, PISS OFF WITH YOUR FRIVOLOUS LAW SUIT! Seriously? I mean SERIOUSLY? You think you're the only one with that horrible name? You are not Madonna, Cher or even Hoda so shut your hole! It's not all about YOU, it never was and never will be! No one in the world associated your horriblness with that commercial and anyone who says they did is a liar! Etrade needs to sue her lawyer and make them pay billions to the courts for even bringing this up, it's sad and pathetic and again, I will say to the media, STOP FEEDING INTO THIS! STOP REPORTING THESE STORIES! If they don't report them, then they'll GO AWAY!

Ok need to calm down and wait for a baby to wake up so we can get ready for a formula run.

No sleep make mommy cranky

See this sweet face sleeping? Yeah keep it in your memory since it rarely happens anymore. Now, first off, I have to tell you that I'm a horrible mother. I say this because like a total fool, I put a little neosporin on her head the other night because she scratched it and her entire body is now covered in a gnarly red rash. She had an allergic reaction. I can only imagine how much worse it would've been had I used more than a tiny drop! Oh my god you just don't know the guilt I feel over this. She doesnt seem all that bothered about it, we took her to urgent care and they said it should be gone within a week. We'll see. I have to wash her hair now with Head and Shoulders because her cradle cap is so gross. My perfect little baby doll with her porcelain skin looks like a scaly, crusty lobster. I'm going to hell.

So I don't really have a lot going on other than my children getting bigger by the minute which still shocks me, the way they change day to day, it's amazing.

My mom is coming to visit at the end of the month and I cannot wait! I need her so badly it hurts. My mother in law is arriving next week....should be interesting.

Let's see...thinking if there are any current events I would like to bitch about....well, AT&T has decided to mess up our 3G network so I could'nt use my phone yesterday until I got into the car and drove to Manhattan Beach. What kills me is that they assume no responsibility, like both Barry and my phones are messed up? Try again assholes. He called them for me while he was at work since I could'nt even dial 611 for any assistance. They told him there were no outages and it was on us...then last night they finally say "oh yeah, we're having some issues in your area". Jerks.

Ok well little girl having meltdown, later.

People who vote for American Idol are racist

People who vote for American Idol are racists. It's clearly not about talent on that show. There's a kid on there, white boy, very pretty, total WB looking kid who CANNOT sing for shit! He's no doubt going to be safe until the very end only because he's a pretty white boy and nothing but 12 year old girls and KKK members vote on this stupid show. Now, I'm sure you're asking yourself "Nora, why are you watching it if it's so terrible?" Well, thanks for asking! I am watching out of total curiosity and the fact that Ellen is a judge, mainly because Ellen joined as a judge and I find her to be one of the most honest people out there. I have heard that the show is completely rigged. I can see that totally. I just find it a little sad that last night's results ended with 2 African Americans, a Latino and an Asian kid getting kicked off when there were clearly worse singers this week that were white kids. It kind of insults me. Overall, the show is really terrible. I only find 1 singer really "talented". I hope Crystal wins.

What else is happening here?...well, I not only have a gnarly infection in my big toe but I slammed another toe on the same foot on one of babies vibrating chairs and broke it. So I'm walking around like a gimp. Can you believe that when I broke the toe, I did not swear or scream? I totally did a "fiddle dee dee I do believe that's broken" as I bent down and picked up my son....amazing I have to say.

It's Friday, bliss. 2 days of daddy time. I love weekends. Granted, I tend to spend the majority of it yelling at my poor husband but he's here and he can help me so YAY!!!!

The new baby swing is pretty. Barry went and returned it for a real new one the other night. Didnt think Charlotte would sleep in it at all, kept looking at it like it was Satan. She seems to like it now. Its not as fast as the old one but she doesnt seem to mind. Plus, it has a plug so no more spending $20 a week on D batteries!! :)

Enjoy the weekend people

F U Babies R Us!!!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack....I know y'all have missed me.

Anywho, here's a shout out to Babies R Us and when I say shout out, I mean a big F-U to them. Charlotte's swing motor died yesterday and I called Fisher Price since it was under warranty, here's a positive shout out to them who had all our info in their system and are sending us a motor. As I was...so Barry and I decided to go get a new one anyway for her, he saw one that was more pink and girly, has stars and a canopy, so we go to Babies R Us and pick one up...I should've known by the way the box looked that we were in for trouble. Get it home and he's getting all the parts ready and notice that the plug adapter is missing...first sign of bad. So I was pissed about that...then he's putting it together and I look at the cushion and there's glue or something on it....something isnt right here.....then he gets it together and I open the back to put batteries in it and VOILA! There ALREADY ARE BATTERIES IN IT! Now, Fisher Price does NOT include batteries in things so I now know that we've been swindled (been looking for an excuse to use that word). Or should I say that Babies R Us has been had since CLEARLY some asshole broke their swing, bought a new one, swapped it and took it back?! What the hell is wrong with people? Why didnt they look into this when it was returned? LAZY ASSHOLES! Now Barry had to completely dismantle this thing and now he's going to get home late tonight because he has to go out of his way and return it hoping to God that the next one is in perfect condition.

Anyone else see the news story yesterday about stores putting used underwear back on racks? Yeah, so I feel the BBB needs to step up on companies and put it plainly that they need to fix all their lazy ass behaviors or stores should be closed down. That's my opinion on that. Either they should all be beaten down like step children when they fail or they should be closed as a penalty and then they lose real money. Corporate lazy scumbags!!! Be smart people, buy Hanes, it comes in a sealed package, can't be tampered with.

My sciatica is KILLING me and all I do is lift weights (babies) all day. Nothing I take or do is helping. Going to look into acupuncture at Barry's office and see if maybe that will help.

Babies had their 4 month shots last week, that was interesting. Hack ass nurse after stabbing my son, put one of the band aids on wrong so she ripped it off and replaced it...wanted to punch her in the throat for making him cry. I have come to notice that when it comes to my children, I am rather like a momma lion. I will tear out the heart of anyone who hurts my kids or even thinks bad about them. Yes my daughter is loud as all hell, as her mother, I am allowed to be bothered by this....others are not. Deal with it, I know it's annoying and I'm doing what I can to calm her down so blow me.

Well, I'm exhausted, went to bed late and have been up since 5AM since miss thing doesnt like to sleep through the night anymore. My house looks like a bomb went off in it, I'm officially overwhelmed with stuff and it makes me hyperventilate. I don't do well when it come to messes. I refuse to be on Hoarders and when I see a certain amount of clutter, I get convinced we're going to end up there.

Ok going to pick up yet again.