Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day everyone. Please thank a soldier if you see one today. Which actually you should every time you see one. My dad is a military man. Bless those in uniform.

Thursday

Yes, it's only Thursday. No catchy title for today. Not that I've ever actually done a catchy title but you know what I'm saying.

So Lee won American Idol. Well, good for him. Those opposed, GET OVER IT! Crystal will do just fine. She's a talented young lady with a bright musical career ahead. Those whining about how she was "robbed" can go suck a bag of dick. If you are so pissed then maybe you should've sat by the phone and voted your little hearts out. Lee won because millions of teenage girls thought he was "dreamy". Bottom line, TEENAGERS VOTE ON AMERICAN IDOL. Adults can't really be bothered except to sit and watch and bitch when their favorite does not win. WAH WAH WAH, enough. It's over thankfully. Time to move onto things that are important in the world.

BP....FIX THE MOTHER FUCKING LEAK YOU DAFT FUCKTARDS! What the Sam hell is wrong with them? They had no plan on what to do if this happened? Well, apparently freaking NOT! Now, people are blaming Obama for this continuing? Are you freaking HIGH!? You can blame PAST government on the NO regulations for the oil companies! Give me bloody break! Now they're pumping dirt into the pipe...now I'm no scientist but if you do that, isnt it going to back it up and possibly create a BIGGER BURST? Just seems to me like something like that is bound to happen because of PRESSURE!.....Oh god people are just plain horrible and stupid and I for one am tired of it. Watching Obama now talking about it and the media doing what they do best, whining that things are his fault and that they can't blame the Bush administration for anything blah blah blah. Really? All people did for 8 years was BLAME CLINTON!!! I am really starting to hate this country and that makes me sad.

I have been in the house now for the last 4 days. Is that wrong? Probably. I have gone somewhat insane I'll admit. Barry says the media has gotten to me. He's probably right. I don't like taking the babies out on my own. I'm afraid someone will try and hurt me to get to my children and being alone, I won't be able to defend them both. I don't like the way people look at my children when I'm out with them alone. I will do whatever I have to to protect my children and I feel that's what I'm doing by staying home. Bottom line, I don't trust people. They are sick and twisted and the world is a far more creepy place then it was when I was a kid. No matter where we go, there's always someone who comes up to me and says "I really wanted twins, especially what you have, a boy and a girl" and to be honest, the second they say that, I get the creeps.

One last thing for the day. My husband's office manager is a raging cunt. She's unprofessional, annoying and should be fired for being disrespectful and lazy.

That is all for today

Venting and REALLY depressed

I can't deal with my cats anymore. I do not know what to do with them. Because of Monkey's condition, the cats eat nothing but protein and since that's the case, Bean is starving. I have to constantly pick the food up because if I don't, Monkey will eat 24/7, non stop. She has lost a lot of weight but she still cannot clean herself properly so I have to do it. I can't constantly clean the carpets and wipe her butt and make sure my babies arent crawling around in cat grossness. Tonight has put me in a serious bout of depression. Monkey came out scooting her butt and we all know what that means. I went nuts, locked her in the bathroom with me and cleaned her best I could. I just don't know what I am supposed to do. The idea of giving them to someone else, eats my soul and breaks my heart. We rescued Bean from the streets. We have been the constant in her life. We got Monkey as a brand new kitten and we are all she's ever known and she's an extremely skittish animal. We're going to move across the country and how am I supposed to handle them? I can't drive thousands of miles with them and how much is it going to cost to "ship" them?

I keep weeping over this. I love them so much but I am having the worst time handling them.

Another week over

This happy face is what keeps me going. His and his sisters. I will do anything for that smile, my god look at him. Today they are 7 months old. 7 MONTHS! My lord I cannot believe that.

At the moment, they're both napping. Naps are few and far between these days. They are both eating their fruits and veggies (for the most part). Charlotte had decided she wasn't going to eat her cereal for a while there but she's been better the last couple nights. Daddy has had to take over night feeding because by the end of the day, Mommy is D-O-N-E. I cannot hear whining and fussiness by the end of the day. I'm aware that he works all day but what do you call raising 2 babies all day with no help? I call that work.

I'm a bit annoyed that I'm getting advice from my spouse telling me to take the kids out. Well, if it didn't screw them up so badly, I probably would do it more. I'm sorry but when I do take them places, even for a couple hours, it kills the rest of my day because it makes them beyond fussy and weird and then they refuse to nap and I can't put them down or they get more berserk. So needless to say, I'm extremely selective about doing anything with them during the week. Come the weekend, if Daddy decides they need to do things, their fussy behaviors then become his problem for the remainder of the day.

I'm exhausted.

Life is strange

Got an email from my mom today telling me that someone I knew and used to be friends with passed away suddenly. He was only 45. My heart is aching for his wife and their 3 kids. That scares me a lot. I am terrified that God is going to take either me or Barry away to early from the twins. It's a fear that tears me out of sleep.

I spent the majority of last week at Kaiser. I am on like 4 types of antibiotics and pain killers and to be honest, I'm really tired of trying to remember to take things 4 times a day. I ended up in the ER one day, have some nerve damage to my hip/thigh which is really scary when you can't even walk. Realized this at 5AM last week and totally freaked out. Barry had to stay home with me for a couple days to help with the babies. I could barely pick them up. I also had a test done on a mole on my back and naturally its "abnormal" so I'm waiting for the surgery dept. to call me and make an appt. to have more cut off and examined. This doesnt count the fact that I need to go back and have like 5 more examined.....*sigh*...all of this makes me feel very old.

We got our new bed, it's really comfy. I had some gnarly leg cramps the first couple of nights. The cats love it of course. It's nice being able to flop onto it and Barry doesnt get disturbed and vice versa.

Well, we just made a Target run for formula and a McDonald's run for a frappe. Just fed some squash and corn to the boy and they both had bottles....hoping they decide to nap again before bedtime. Lately I've been lucky to get them to take 1 in the morning. They both crashed in the car for a bit so not sure if sleep will come to them again before 7:30.

Watching last night's Idol....seriously, if Crystal doesn't win it all, I'm going to be annoyed. This Kara chick is just HORRIBLE...I don't know who she is, never seen her before this but CHRIST she's got a face just begging for a slappin. There's something about her face that bugs me.

One more episode of LOST....I'm not sure yet how to feel about it. I guess no one does. It's amazing though that we've all sat through this since the beginning and it's NEVER made any damned sense! I'm curious to see if they took any notes from Joss Whedon's fan fuckary (as my Johnna says). God I hope not. Shit, I'm tired.

My rant for today is WHY did they allow Wil Smith to remake the Karate Kid? It looks plain horrible! It did NOT need to be redone! It especially didnt need to be remade with his kid in it. Talk about ego! UGH! I honestly hope no one goes to see it. The whole thing is stupid. What's next? The Breakfast Club starring Justin Bieber? UHHHHHHHHHG!! That is a kid I DO NOT GET! I feel hes' being hoisted upon us, everywhere I turn, there he is with his "baby baby baby baby baby" song which is just BAD! I love Ellen but she needs to stop forcing him on me, it makes me angry. SOMEONE CUT HIS BAD HAIR PLEASE!! Oh I really dislike his hair.

Another diss, WTF is with this "Killers" movie? It was called TRUE LIES! IT'S BEEN DONE! Ashton Kutcher needs to kindly take a vacation from us all for about 20 years....his Nikon commercials are crappy enough and his films are just never good so please make it stop.

OK trying to get the babies to nap now...comedy thy name is me.... OooooH Tabula Rasa is on! Thank you Buffy!

Just a lot of pain & anger

Let me explain something to you. If someone hurts someone I love, albeit , mentally or physically, they may forgive them. I, however, will NOT forgive them nor forget, EVER. I will smile at them, say hello, maybe even give them a hug if need be, but inside, I loathe them with every core of my being and I am only being polite for you because of my love for you. My mom calls it my "Irish side". Whatever it is, it is what it is. I guess it's not particularly "Christian" of me but I don't really care. I understand at the end, it's God's job to ultimately judge what people do, whatever. You hurt someone I love, fuck you til you die. This is who I am and that's never going to change.

I am in tremendous physical pain right now, not going to go into great detail on where or why, but I see a doctor in the morning. I took a vicotin and I have not taken one of those since the babies were born, that is how much pain I am in. Normally I take ibuprofen but I'm out and don't want to take naproxen.

Charlotte is awake. She's been up since 5:30AM. She passed out for a brief 40 minute nap, woke up the second I got out of the shower, her new favorite thing to do, oh and not nap at all after 2PM. Naturally now I'm wearing pajamas again. Both babies are teething pretty badly. So we have fussy ass babies, a momma in tremendous pain and no one here to help me. You wonder why I cry so much? Well, there you have it.

Off to do what I do best, laundry.

Happy Mothers day...WHY WON'T THEY NAP?!

So it's like I can never leave the house with these 2 ever again. If I do, it completely screws up their naps and then they are totally f-ed up the entire afternoon into bedtime. Last 3 days, they've been out in the day time and each afternoon, after 3PM, I cannot get them to nap, no matter what I do! Even though they are both clearly totally exhausted, they will NOT succumb to what they need to do! It's like they're punishing me for trying to get some damned sunlight! I've pretty much had it. It will now have to be us at home 24/7 unless daddy is home to give me a small break. As unhealthy as it is for me to be at home all the time, it's just going to have to be this way. I can't deal with them having cosmic meltdowns every afternoon because their naps are messed up. *sigh*

Well, happy mothers day all. My husband wrote me a story and got me a new bed :) I was happy about this. Mainly I am happy with the story, it made me cry. It's about my kids but as animals...which they are anyway but you get me.

Hope all my momma friends had a decent day.

Defeated

I'm totally defeated on so many levels. I made the mistake yesterday of taking these 2 out of the house which made them completely wired for the rest of the day and fussy. Today is shaping up to suck too. I put them down for a nap and got into the shower and could hear the screaming. John took a whole 20 minute nap, she took none. They're both up and fussy and I'm on the verge of tears as usual and have changed my shirt twice from the spit up. Charlotte will try NO new foods, will not open her mouth for even a second to try anything. Last couple days, she won't even eat her cereal for me anymore. I'm really lost with how to deal. I need my mom and friends around and I have no one here.

I have no motivation to even move except to get Charlotte because she's crawling and I don't want her to get hurt.

As far as "Mother's day" is concerned, I don't even want it acknowledged since I don't feel I'm a particularly good mom. Not only that but I just want to be left alone. By everyone.

Monday blues

I like this face, it's kissy and cute.

What I don't like is people trying to cause drama for me that I don't need. I have enough BS going on in my world thank you. If you have nothing better to do than gossip about me (lord you must have less of a life than I do if that's the case) then you need to grow up.

Well, it's been a week now and Charlotte still insists on waking up a few times each night for food. Poor daddy keeps having to change crib sheets due to leaky diapers and I don't get to ever sleep more than 4 hours at a clip. This doesnt help my mentality at all.

Today was probably the best day as far as trying new foods for the babies. They had sweet potatoes. Yesterday was squash which wasnt a total failure but today was better. I broke down and got bananas and apples...The pediatrician told us to start them on veggies first which we did. I can't force them to eat peas...maybe once they're used to eating things they don't hate, they'll be more open to eat the peas. This is my way of thinking (which is probably all wrong but whatever).

The fuckers at Tylenol decided to try and poison all of Americas babies, toddlers and kids by letting bad batches of pretty much ALL their products be sold for MONTHS before calling a recall on products that "may or may not have to much or to little of certain ingredients"...in other words, they fucked up...royally. I personally have 4 bottles of their products. 2 of which have no been used but 2 are currently in use. I keep their meds separate, it makes it easier for me to just write their name on the bottles.

I just downloaded that horrible ring tone from the Geico website that the boss has..the "RING-A-DING-A DINGY DONG" tone....because I am a dork.

I'm exhausted and to tired to bitch about things that are really bugging me today.