Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

Tomorrow is shot day. NOT looking forward to this at all. My little boys legs get all crampy and he just wails and wails.....Barry is taking the next 2 days off to help me deal with them in case of fevers and fussiness. They have both been sleeping weird the last couple days. It's about to become crib time. Soon, no more swings. Charlotte can sit herself up and they both hunch over which equals dangerous so easy time is over for us.

My mother in law is coming to visit next month. It is good that she's as laid back as she is. She is not fazed by twin meltdowns. March seems it will be a good month for company. After my MIL leaves, my mom will come and stay for 2 weeks. My bud Elisia is coming too!! This makes me happy indeed.

I wonder how much my friends really think I weigh? I love the undying support of some of them who tell me I only need to jog to loose my belly....How many times have you seen a grossly obese woman jog exactly?.......I'll wait.......la la la.......*humming*.....EXACTLY! You don't! My knees were shot before I got pregnant and got worse and are now completely shattered. You think my fat ass is going jogging? Amusing indeed. I try and walk the babies an hour a day, granted not a fast walk but I still walk. Waiting for Barry to teach me how to use the Wii so I can attempt the Wii fit.

TMI so skip the next paragraph if it makes you uncomfortable.......

My boobs have gotten bigger (obviously) so my back is just wrecked. Now, if I wore a proper bra that may help some....so if my post office would deliver my buggering Kohls package I might be set in that department. Lazy ass postal worker, puts the deliver slip in my box but doesnt bother DELIVERING THE PACKAGE! Asshole....so I'm wearing this maternity bra which does nothing but makes things worse.

Took the babies to see their daddy at work yesterday which tired them out something fierce for the remainder of the day. Today its gray and rainy so I'm hoping that makes them sleepy. We'll see.

I don't have anything of importance today, not that I do any day but still, I'm just tired as hell. These 2 have been sleeping weird lately so I'm all messed up.

Monday....bloody hell. Barry decided it would be a keen plan to take the babies to Target Friday night. Normally, I go by myself and this past week, I had a very large list of items we needed. Well, taking them with us proved to doom me permanently. They've been off schedule ever since. Charlotte keeps going to bed and then waking up an hour later, then she wakes up another 2 times during the night.....REALLY not pleased about this. I've been up pretty much since 3AM. Had a hard time getting back to sleep after she was up at 2AM. She didnt want to go back down after Barry fed her so I had to get her to sleep.

I'm really down lately, mainly over the way I look. Been walking everyday but I look so much bigger than before. I guess it's from the pregnancy. All the weight is now collected in the middle and I look like Grimace. Freaking disgusting. Really bummed about this. Plus I don't physically feel "right" lately either. Not sure if it's just the weight or that on top of added "where are we going to live and how are we going to live" stress....I really want to start smoking again. I need some sort of vice.

Question of the day...why is it that men need to sneeze so loud? I've known a lot of men who feel the need to sneeze so loudly it wakes the dead. It is completely illogical. Barry sneezes so loud that just this morning, he woke Charlotte out of a dead sleep and she screamed and cried and then he wondered why it was I wanted to punch him in the throat....hmmmmmmmmmm....What the hell man? There's no reason, NONE, not at all, no logical reason what so ever to make that much noise. So dumb.

Well, the weekend was uneventful with the exception of Monkey not going to the vet for once and we've slightly regained her trust...won't last long.

Oh crap, I'm going to be 36 in a week. Bugger. That sucks. How am I going to spend my birthday? Doing what I do normally, taking care of babies and being angry and bitter. JOY!

a letter to Tiger Woods

Dear Tiger Woods,

Shut the hell up. No crap you felt entitled to fool around on your wife, the only thing you're upset about is the fact that you got caught! You refused to answer any questions because you are a big pussy. That is only part of what you are. Pussy, coward, loser, asshole, creep and jerk. Even your poor mother couldn't look you in the face during your "speech" that someone else obviously wrote for you since you looked shocked a few times as you were reading it. Especially the part about how you are learning that you're NOT entitled to act the way you do. I could see in your eyes, you've learned nothing from any of this. I have a feeling we'll never hear the end of your shenanigans. Hell, some illiterate porn star is already on the news claiming you owe HER an apology because she "loves" you and you "love" her. I may vomit from all this terribleness. You sir, suck. Truly suck.

Dear Friday, please hurry!!

Oh my freaking lord, I am exhausted. Charlotte was up at 3:30AM for about 45 minutes. We went for a nice long stroll this afternoon, the weather was great, it was nice and cool out and the sun was shining. I turned on the iPod on my iPhone so that made the babies happy, listening to Jason Mraz while strolling. We came in and they both went down for their 2PM nap and approximately 37 minutes later, little girl woke up screaming like her ass was on freakin fire! She woke her brother up and he was such a trooper for about 3o minutes till he got pissy and wanted out. She freaked for a good 45 minutes, then calmed down enough for me to change and feed John. Then Elisia called so we got to having discussions til Charlotte started her shit yet again....*sigh* Kids are DRAINING! Now she's all passed out again, naturally since daddy will be home in an hour....god I love when 5PM hits, it's like my "it's almost over" moment.

Next week is a short week as far as me being alone. Barry will be home Thursday and Friday because the twins are getting their shots. When they do, it's not pretty and I need assistance. Especially with John who is inconsolable. His little legs cramp up and he screams and screams. Can't deal with 2 of them alone when they're both completely miserable.

I shot an email off to the Today Show about Jenna Bush. She was on again today, she interviewed Shaun White.....that poor kid, he even looked uncomfortable and he's a total people person. He wouldnt even look her in the eye. She is rather intensely creepy for sure.

Watching the LA Ink marathon on TLC...yeah, it's my soap opera. Tonight is the season premiere. Watching this is making me miss Los Angeles already and we havent even decided on where the hell we're moving to! No plans have been put in motion at all and I'm already sad? Yeah....I'm a sad sack.

Well, John is waking from his snooze....off I go.

No sleep make Nora go crazy...

This is a photo of something that was NOT happening in my house last night. I'm exhausted. John for the first time in a long time, did not sleep through the night. Both babies went to bed around 9PM, about 30 minutes earlier than usual. John woke up at 11PM screaming, Barry got him...then around 1AM there was screaming again! I got him...then at 3:30AM Charlotte decided she was hungry so we both woke up, I started to feed her and Barry decided he'd take over so I didnt completely lose my mind. At the moment they are both napping. I don't count on this lasting all that long. I got out of the shower and John was laying in his swing with his eyes open...he closed them again but it's not a good sign. We went out for 2 hours yesterday, an hour walk and then a McDonalds iced Mocha run...Some woman was ordering like a thousand things in the drive thru and Charlotte got a might bit testy and started wailing in the car. I notice when we're out driving that they're both happy and content until we stop for any reason, then there's bitching.

Well, I'm exhausted. Not a lot to report for today, just really tired.

Oh, LOST....what a mind screw that is eh?

Another morning show ruined by "the pauser"

NO MORE JENNA BUSH HAGER REPORTING EVER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! Today she was yapping about the snow boarding US chick whose name escapes me. It was beyond terrible. She is officially the Marc Summers of the Today Show with her horrible pausing and her shaky voice. She looks SO much like her father it makes me sick to my stomach. Bottom line and I'll move on, she's just not good. I'll be sending an email to the Today Show people later on when I have some time. Seriously, what are her credentials? Other than her useless father being the ex-president whom I did not vote for. Cheney probably threatened some CEO of NBC that he was going to take them hunting or something unless they hired her to report crap every week......blech.

Miss Teenie had a pretty successful nights sleep. She passed out around 9:30 and woke up at 5AM for a feeding. She is officially on a big girl bottle now. Granted she still only eats about 5OZ at a time but if she's a little more peckish, she can have more since it's a 9OZ bottle. She had a fever yesterday but it didnt stick around long thankfully. She's not one for discomfort. Her brother likes to sleep through unpleasantness, she likes to stay up and make the rest of the world as miserable as she is.

At the moment they are both napping, I got in a shower, a load of laundry, made the bed and cleaned the bathroom. Successful....indeed.

I'm getting lonely without anyone to talk to during the day. I talk to the babies all day and read to them but they don't say a lot back yet. I'm sure I should be quiet about that since soon they'll never shut up but y'all know what I mean.

It is so bloody dry, I cannot stop sneezing and using saline spray. Charlotte is now used to me using saline spray on her, she doesnt freak out any longer, just lets me do it and then sniffs and smiles.

Well, back to laundry and picking up....my life is EXCITING!...at least Ellen is on at noon instead of 4 so I have something to laugh at earlier! :)

Like my feet werent big enough to begin with??

I have big feet. Like mammoth clod hoppers and they got bigger after having twins. Like they needed to get bigger?? I didnt really realize this until I tried to put my sneakers on last week. Epic fail! I wore flip flops through my entire pregnancy because I was horribly swollen so I had no idea how much they grew! I even just tried on my husbands sneakers (he was always half a size bigger than me) just to see and NOPE! I've gone up an entire size! At the moment I have on my New Balance sneakers hoping they'll be OK since they were always a bit loose. *sigh*....I have a feeling band aids are in my future for today. I will have some gnarly blisters by days end.

Charlotte has some serious eczema on her little legs. I think she's allergic to oats too. The doctor told us to use Eucerin so I got some but I made the mistake of also using the Aveeno on top of it and it made her look even more itchy and uncomfortable. Poor baby! She's congested almost 24/7. Not sure if it's the weather or a combo of dust and cat hair. I'd think if it was the cats, she'd be sneezing all the time when they're near but she doesnt react at all if they're in the room. Hell, I held her in bed with me for a little bit yesterday and our bed is COATED in fur, not a sniffle at all from her. I'm thinking it's the dust and unseasonable warm weather after all the rain. I swear, I need to dust daily to keep up! Let me tell you, this kid does not like getting her nose cleared out! You'd think I'm killing her when I use saline or the aspirator on her. Her brother likes it when you pick his nose, he thinks it's funny. Boys are weird.

John's 4 hour naps seem to be a thing of the past. He now sleeps maybe an hour. I told Barry that he needs to keep the twins on a normal schedule on the weekends even if it tortures him and screws with his plans. Shit, you mess with a baby's ritual and all hell breaks loose. I told him that. They go for a walk at noon almost everyday and nap around 2PM. If that gets interrupted, I hope you're ready to deal with 2 pissed off and very loud babies. Oy vey. Basically I get up, drink coffee, watch babies and talk to them. John gets mad first, eats a little and goes back down by 8AM. Charlotte follows soon after. She'll sleep maybe 45 minutes tops. He can go up till 10AM depending but lately that hasnt happened. Then we eat and put on the days outfit and play. Then around 11:30 they both get pissy....then I take them on a walk around noon and I take my sweet time and a pretty long route. Sometimes they sleep, other times they stay awake for the whole thing. We get in and they're both hot and cranky so we eat and put on a "cleanie" (diaper) and we nap by 2PM if we're lucky. Again, she may only go for 45 minutes. If he's really really tired. He'll stay down till like 5PM. Then daddy comes home just in time for more crankiness!!! YAY Daddy!!!

Well, no time to go into bitching about other topics today, Miss Sniffly is waking from her nap.

I will say 1 thing though. Really Southwest??? Seriously? You booted the loudest fatty on the planet and don't think this is going to create some negative press for you?? IDIOTS! Kevin Smith is one loud mofo and he will be heard whether you like it or not! Fine if you have a policy but you should have more tact for petesake! You offered him $100 voucher? Oh my sweet and fluffy lord are you all out of your minds? I take it y'all had no clue who the hell he was and just thought he was a loud fat dude. MAJOR EPIC FAIL!

Off to Zappos.com to find some new sneakers....blah.

Valentines Day? Yeah, really don't care about that one....

Diabetes cat no longer has the diabetes!!! She went to the vet today and has lost almost 2 pounds!! Can you believe that? Her blood sugar went from like 320 to 180 in a month! This is very pleasing. What is not pleasing is that the vet put some bullshit liquid band aid on her tail and she's almost completely picked it off. It looks SO GROSS, all red like an open wound. They said it was "healed" but I'm not convinced. I don't understand why they felt the need to remove SO much skin when they took off the cyst. Really pissed and concerned about this. Also, they sent home some "pro-biotic" crap. In other words, it's ACTIVIA FOR CATS! Hell no. I am annoyed that they suckered Barry into taking this shit home. I can give her yogurt if they want her to have the damned culture. I love that they claim that animal won't know its in their food....idiots. Even my starving fat cat knows there's crap in her food....morons.

Highlight of my day? I saved close to $60 on cat food. Had a buy 1 get 1 free coupon from Centenela Pet Supply...best pet store EVER. They have everything and you get kick ass coupons every month.

We spent a better of the evening in the car. Drove to the Valley to pick up some baby stuff that Jay and Brenna wanted to get rid of and they babies were being SO horrid all afternoon I felt that the car would be a good plan....I was right! They slept basically the entire time. Even gave us enough time to go to In and Out and eat dinner while it was HOT!!!! Got home, madam was so asleep she was snoring so we gave himself a bath and then she woke up and got hers....now they're asleep.

My Aunt Louise (Aunt as in moms friend but not a blood relative but you know what I mean) sent the babies blankets that she made and they're so cute. He got a Bob the Builder blankie and she has a kitty one. So sweet. My Aunt also sent me a Koala that my Grandfather got her while she was in college with my mom so that means a lot. It's 45 years old and in really good condition. My mom was a little choked up about it when I told her.

Well it's ice cream time and then off to bed while screaming at the cat to leave her bloody tail alone.....*sigh*

What's worse? Jenna Bush Hager or Kim Kardashian ruining my morning TV?

Kim Kardashian filling in for Kathie Lee today? OH COME ON!!!! That thing is "famous" for BEING PEED ON!!! Does anyone else remember this? Am I taking crazy pills?? She's famous for having sex and being peed on by Brandy's brother Ray Jay and for paling around with Paris Hilton. GROSS AND WRONG on to many levels! The things people are famous for in this country are horrifying. No one is recognized for anything positive anymore (with the exception of Clooney and Ellen), it's all about getting laid, doing drugs, killing or hurting someone or getting 10 plastic surgeries in 1 day. Bottom line, I think our countries priorities are MESSED UP. I'm not proud to be an American when we're known for horrible people who do disgusting things. Yeah I'm supposed to say "oh thank god our country is so great for having people in it like Heidi and Spencer, the Hilton sisters, all the Kardashians, Lohans and Jon Gosselin. What awesome role models and fabulous, caring citizens!"....Just makes me sick to my stomach. I wish I had a rocket so I could cart all those useless shitbirds in it and shoot them into the sun. What a better place we'd have. Granted, some asshole would end up the next flavor of the month and it would start all over again. Thanks media!.....*snort*

Thing 1 and Thing 2 are not having a good day. She's very congested and he's teething something fierce. Daddy is home with us today which is EXTREMELY helpful. It's nice having the extra pair of hands.

Trying to decide where we should move to. Where on the East coast are there any decent jobs? That's the first question I guess. I'm sad thinking we're going to leave So Cal. I love it here, it's been home for 8 years now, but I need to be closer to my folks and even my sibling....the idea is terrifying. How the HELL are we going to get 2 babies and 2 cats clear across the country in 1 piece without having a massive panic attack?? Oh yeah and 2 cars too....*sigh*. Guess I'll be like Scarlett and think about it tomorrow.

Have I mentioned how much I miss smoking? Yeah, been a year now since I quit smoking and I miss it terribly. I don't miss paying for them and yeah I'm sure I'm a million times healthier now but AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGH I feel the need to smoke. Been feeling the need pretty much since the babies were born. Stress I guess. Been around smokers and to be honest, the smell really does make me physically ill now which is the positive but I was a 20 year smoker. How weird is that? I'm only 35! Now, I won't be smoking for sure but I still miss it, especially when I'm really stressed out with life...like now.

Well, hopefully Monkey will get her tail wrapping off on Saturday (today's photo), which if not, we're all doomed. She's getting the current wrapping down bit by bit and no way are we going to put a cone on her head. Can you imagine? I'm curious to see if she's still diabetic too since the food change. She's clearly lost weight. I can tell at night when she comes to bed and walks across my body, it doesnt hurt as much as it used to. Poor fat Monkey.

I guess that is all I have for today...OH the winter Olympics begins tomorrow!! Why do I care? Not really sure but for some reason, I want to watch it.....maybe it's an age thing?

Ok Teenie having a meltdown. Peace.

The sun is shining, need to hit Target and watch Ellen on American Idol.......Ugh so much I need to do today...

I thought "da da" was supposed to be babies first words.....not in this house it isnt! "mom" has come out of both of them and "MOMMEEEEEEEEEE" I have heard already and my kids arent even 4 months old yet. I know all mothers say this but my kids are bloody BRILLIANT, totally and for sure.

So far today I have showered, running the dishwasher, threw in some laundry that actually wasnt baby stuff and cleaned the stove. Totally accomplished..oh and I made the bed. Hell, I didnt even get that far yesterday. The sun is out and I'd like to take the kids to Target today. We'll see. Need D batteries for the swings. His is about to shit the bed. Oh crud, forgot I need gas too. Damnit...I hate the idea of leaving the kids in the car even for a second while I pump gas. Is that mental?

Still drinking my Folgers Crystals...I find it's not as jarring if I use less crystals and more sugar and soy milk. I still get my buzz on.

Ok, took a break for a couple hours, just took the babes to Target which was very successful indeed. So, why did no one tell me that McDonalds sold iced coffee and that I could get one the size of my head for $2?? Holy crapoly this is making me happy today. It's not the best in the world but I didnt have to get out of my car and that's HUGE.

Well now both babies are overly stimulated and pissed off, trying to get them to take a nap, HA! Any minute now one of my neighbors will call social services because of the crying......whatever.

Instant coffee is not good

Our coffee maker has gone rogue. Piece of crap decides it's going to try and grind beans when there's nothing in it. Needless to say, I find that to be dangerous so it's not to be used anymore. What really sucks is that it's only a few months old! I shot a nasty email off to the people at Cuisenart. Probably won't hear back though. Sitting here drinking Folgers......not the tastiest stuff in the world but if I don't have any caffeine today, things will turn out worse than they should be.

Today's photo is of Miss Charlotte as a newborn, making drunk face after a feeding. I just showered so naturally the napping babies can smell that and they are starting to stir. Is that weird? It's like coffee to an adult. A clean mommy wakes them? I have weird kids.

Yesterday was an overall horrible day till I went to sleep. Both babies slept through the night. I think that was the first time for Teenie. Probably because she didnt sleep for shit all day yesterday and just kept screaming. Both were asleep by 10PM and she didnt wake up until 6AM. Bloody miracle.

Things to bitch about today....well, Sarah Palin for one. Will this redneck, inbred piece of shit shut the fuck up please? What the hell is wrong with people? Why is anyone listening to her? I truly believe anyone who thinks this woman is even remotely intelligent is equally as intelligent as her children. Note I didnt come right out and say it?...yeah you get my meaning. People really feel she should be running our country? Christ sake, we'd be better off having a dead possum run things, it would probably be more efficient. My god, this country has become a damned joke, it's just sad.

Speaking of jokes, this whole "sex addiction" shit that I keep hearing about? It's AN EXCUSE FOR MEN TO SLEEP AROUND! I am even upset with Dr. Drew for defending this shit. If a woman sleeps around, she's a whore. If a man does it, it's "sex addiction"...go to HELL! I am sick of the double standard in this country! It's nothing but justifying being a douche bag, period. I keep waiting to hear about a female celebrity using this excuse for her behavior. Havent seen that yet. Some fired asshole ESPN asshat was on the Today Show yesterday whining about his sexual addiction that got him and some 22 year old intern fired. I saw she moved on with her life. He's just a jerk. I'm not defending the 22 year old who slept with a married man, she's an idiot too, BUT she could've said "Well, I'm a sex addict so sleeping with someone married or not, I cant help it because I have a problem"...NO ONE would've bought that load, it would've been "What a slut" blah blah blah......I could go on about this shit for DAYS, believe me.

Well, Teenie is in her bumbo chair trying to poop, I hear all manner of groaning and straining going on.....yeah, poop is my life. She already threw up on me. Not that I care.

Oh yeah, Valentines day is coming.....don't care. Hallmark holiday. All a scam.

Peace.

So much I don't even know where to start...

There is just so much brewing in my head I don't even know where to begin. I am horribly depressed and full of anger, this I am fully aware of, how to handle it, not so sure. I am also pretty sick to my stomach today and really bitter and annoyed about it. Can't take a sick day from babies, just doesnt exist. Feeling very alone and helpless.

I watched years ago, a documentary about an ape family where the youngest ape was extremely clingy towards the mother. There were other siblings but the baby was especially draining on the mother. I see this situation in myself with Charlotte. She wants no one but me. She'll let other people hold her but my GOD she gets hysterical if I put her down, even for a moment. This is very hard on me. Her cry is the most shrill sound and can peel the paint off the walls and I'm convinced my neighbors are going to call social services because I had to pee and put her down for a moment or had to feed her brother (that's when the hysteria really takes place). I want nothing more than for my babies to sleep in their cribs and not in the swings. I just replaced batteries again and now I have no more, this creates stress for me. Yes, that's all it takes. I know we are out of D batteries and it gives me a panic attack.

They say that having children is very stressful on a marriage. Yep. I love my husband very much. Do I like him right now? That's a different story. He is all I have here therefore, he is my emotional punching bag. Not that I want to be that way towards him but he is here and no one else is and I have no other outlet. I will leave it at that.

Well we just had a complete episode here. Charlotte was screaming so long and so hard, my eyes are swollen from crying. John cried himself out in the playpen. I'm devastated right now. I just couldnt put her down to get him. She was screaming like she was on fire. I feel completely helpless.

I was going to go on about different stuff but now I'm really overly upset.

F OFF EVITE!

Dear Evite, what the hell? I got 3 damned Evites yesterday. Now, I am NOT that popular, this I know. What I find most annoying is you know how you can see who else was invited to events? Well, when I see the contents of someones ENTIRE address book, you then know that you are SO not special.
I am not only NOT going to any of these events but am feeling kind of insulted. I know at least for one of them that the person probably has no idea that I was even invited and wouldnt want me there anyway. Not like we're really "friends". He's never invited us over, never called to say hello, just whined at me when he needed something done at the office. Plus, I can hardly find time to eat anymore, let alone plan on going out! Not happening. I hate people but I love gatherings, unfortunately, the gatherings are going to be less and less now that I have 2 kids. *sigh*

What else? Well, Monkey was supposed to get her tail wrapping off today...didnt happen. They re-wrapped it. Poor damned creature. She no longer trusts my husband, because, well, he's the asshole who keeps taking her out of the house. She's no dummy!

Well, mommy is in a shitty mood today and doing marathon laundry while sitting through Twilight....WHY the hell am I watching this movie? It's horrible! Oh yeah, its this or golf...guess I'll take crappy writing and acting over fools hitting a ball with a stick.

Enjoy the weekend.

Friday Friday Friday!!!

Like a hyper spazz knowing that at 6PM, Daddy will be home and I will have help for 48 hours! *tappity tappity*Hence the happy baby photo of the day. :) I swear, no one has ever looked at me the way that my daughter does. I know my husband loves me but even he's never looked at me the way she does.

It's a rainy, dark day in Los Angeles today. It's winter, blah. Been up since 5:30AM when madam woke up screaming her brains out. I like how her brother wakes up. He opens his eyes and stretches, unless he's pooped himself, then he wakes up screaming.

I don't have a lot to discuss yet today, woke up pissed off and I'm exhausted and would like nothing more than to sleep for 12 hours uninterrupted. Not likely. Monkey gets her bandages off her tail tomorrow thank god. She's been trying to bite the thing off for the last few days which has done nothing but make me hysterical. Cats are making me insane. I notice now that I get pissed when they do things like walk across the babies play mats, like I find it gross. Stuff like that never bothered me before. Now I guess knowing that they've been in their litter boxes, it makes me itch thinking of them scratching litter and walking on baby stuff. *gag* So I bust out the Clorox anyplace stuff and spray away every time I see it happening. I also get grossed out when baby blankets fall on the floor when I havent vacuumed in a few days. Holy shit, I wonder if I'm turning into my mother?.....no, still not where near the OCD that she has.

Well, news wise the only thing so far that's going on today is the paparazzi is camped out by that doctors house who killed Michael Jackson...yawn. Wish they'd put that shit to rest already. They're still talking about Heidi Montag's 10 surgeries....so what if she's an insecure media whore? Now she's going to try and be the next Pamela Anderson with her giant DD breasts. YAWN! Hollywood is pathetic as hell.

Frances Reid from Days of Our Lives passed away. That's sad. She was a neat old lady. Not that I've watched that show in the last 10 years now but still, she was iconic on that show.

More randomness, I think I need to invest in some sort of girdle. My back is KILLING me and I need some sort of support, it's my stomach muscles pulling it to death. Especially since they were hacked apart from the c section and not ever going to fuse back together properly. That and constantly picking up babies and putting them down is taking it's toll. Bath time is murderous. Can't take a muscle relaxer unless Barry is around or I'll pass out.

Time to pick up while there's napping taking place.

Stay dry people.

Thursday? Need it to be Friday already

So yesterday we took a very long walk, it was supposed to be "cold"...hardly, there wasnt a cloud in the sky and it was so warm I was able to take Johns socks off. After the walk, I had a grumpy boy and a sleepy Teenie. Daddy decided we had to take them to dinner. Big mistake. Mommy didnt get to eat her dinner till 10PM, after we got home and babies had baths. Remind me never to order food that will require me having to cut it when taking the babies to a restaurant. Not going to happen with twins. It's not like you can just pass off the baby to your spouse so you can eat. Nope, especially when both are awake and pissed off. Needless to say, mommy was one angry, bitter lady. Not cool when you're hungry and there's the plate in your face and you can't eat, could've stayed home and not eaten for free. John was again an excellent sleeper while Miss Thang was awake at 1AM and around 4AM for midnight snacks. I heard her babbling in her swing (yes they're still sleeping in the swings so sue me) after Daddy fed her during the 4AM shift.c Once she starts sleeping through the night like her brother, we'll all be very happy. It's nap time at the moment and I was able to squeeze in a shower before her majesty woke up needing to eat an ounce and try and sleep on the mommy for the morning. Fail. Stuck her back in her swing. She's trying very hard not to wake up and wants nothing more than to be attached to me physically 24/7 which if I had not had 2, I'd probably allow it because I'm a sucker.

Ok, onto other things today. Hoda and Kathie Lee had guys tell all today. Kathie Lee really? Showing us pictures of your husband hanging out in Victoria Secret and then telling us he wasnt interested in the models? Oh lady, really? I think you're probably a nice lady but that's really gullible. Especially remembering the past "indiscretions"....Whatever, both Kathie Lee and Hoda looked really lovely in white today and the panel of men were amusing, mainly Curtis Stone and Chuck Nice. Don't know who the other 2 dudes are but they're boring and the one author guy is rather a dick. Curtis keeps it honest and Chuck brings in the humor, they should just have those 2 doing the segments.

My complaint (ok one of my complaints) of the day...Commercials only using the same assholes all the time. I hate seeing the same people in commercials. I have a hard time believing some lady is depressed and on anti depressants while she's hocking Nintendo DS and Babybel cheese and taking Prilosec within the last hour. With all the talent and struggling actors out there, why the hell do they keep using the same 5 asshole people in commercials? I find it very annoying and kind of insulting to be honest.

Since deciding to leave my job and become a stay at home mom, I see a LOT of the news these days, way more than I ever used to. News reporters are indeed HORRIBLE, they all sound like "Asian reporter Tricia Takunawa" from Family Guy and that's a damned JOKE! There are no good news stories anymore and when there are, they're pretty lame and beaten to death. News media only wants one thing, to keep the country scared and paranoid and talk about loser celebrities. Well, I can see why that would work on some people for sure! You beat the same shit into someones head 30 times a day, it's bound to sink in. So far today I've heard the same story about 10 times now about some porn star Tiger Woods slept with ....WHY IS THIS NEWS?? Who cares that the little golfing twit slept with women who sleep around FOR MONEY? He's a pathetic loser! I had some respect for his wife for trying to kill him in the beginning but now that I heard she's staying with him, I'm overly disgusted. He couldve give her AIDS! No damned joke, he could have killed her by sleeping around and you know the only thing he's pissed about is getting caught. He was an ugly dorky little golfing kid who girls wouldnt give the time of day to and once he got rich, the (using this term loosely here) ladies decided he was "hot". My god he truly is that stupid isnt he? That or he felt he was entitled to stick it wherever he pleased because he was rich. Just horrible. Not only that but the (again, using it loosely here) ladies who he slept with? All whores and idiots! My god, women will never, ever get ahead because of that kind of shit.

Ok, I guess I should get onto my day now. Little boy needs to be woken from his nap and fed and changed while his sister is actually asleep.

Again Jenna Bush Hager...STOP IT!

I showered before 7PM today! YAY! Ok, that IS cause for celebration. So today I found out I was approved for life insurance. Now I'm very happy about this. What I'm not happy about is that my rate is like $20 higher because I'm not back to my "pre-pregnancy" weight.....*ahem*....I HAD TWINS! For the love of God. Whatever, I should be grateful that I now know if something happens to me, my children will be taken care of.

Well yesterday was highly stressful. Both babies were up pretty much all day. Teenie seems to have cradle cap and it looks angry today. It's rather red and she now is scratching at it and that's troublesome to me. Her brother is just a little ball of love who wants his mommy 24/7 and it's just not able to happen and I feel bad. He's teething and just wants to be held all the time, his sister not only has the cradle cap but is very snuffy today which frustrates her to no end. She has a low tolerance for discomfort. Big pain she seems to tolerate like getting shots but the sniffles?? Forget it. I have to keep getting her with the saline solution and you'd think I was putting acid up her nose. Why are these 2 so dramatic? No drama queens on my side of the family ;)

Onto the news. Ok, Jenna Bush Hager.....GET OFF MY TV! She was at it again today. Now if any of you have ever watched "Unwrapped" on the Foodnetwork, you're familiar with the painful pausing known as Mark Summers. She sounds like that but with NO confidence. She just needs to go away. It's not something she's good at, period.

LOST was on last night and it made me SO happy. What a show. It makes no sense at all yet I have not missed an episode since it began. No season has made me stop watching unlike Hero's which lost me after season 2 for being pointless and sucking. It saddens me that this is the last for LOST and Supernatural. What the hell will we watch next year? Well, the Mentalist is pretty awesome so at least we have that for Thursdays.

Ok, well, Teenie is getting grumpy (shocking I know) and her brother needs to wake up soon so we can maybe get out for a walk.

Enjoy the day.

I'm a bad mother

I'm the one, the one that all those perfect mothers scowl at. I'm that bitch that lets the baby cry. Not that I WANT the baby to cry, I am only 1 person and I am the mother of twins. I have no one with me during the day. Please, all those who sit upon their thrown s, tell me, what the secret to being the perfect mother like you are. Oh wait? What was that? You only have 1 child? You have a nanny? Well then SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTH! I am heartbroken every single time one of my children cry out for me and I am busy feeding or changing the other. It rips my soul apart to hear my children cry so hard you can hear fear in the cry, the fear that they're being abandoned. Don't you ever judge me and act like you're better than I am. I only have 2 hands. If I had the power of turning myself into 2 people, you don't think I'd have done that by now? My heart breaks every morning when my husband leaves for work. At the second the door shuts, I count down the hours and minutes until he's home again and neither of the babies will have to cry to be held or kissed or hugged. As I sit feeding my son and my daughter is crying out for me, I am sobbing and pleading to her to just give mommy a minute, to please let me finish feeding her brother because he needs me too. As I type this, I am weeping because it's just painful even thinking of it. Each day that I am alone, I pray that the babies will decide to stagger their naps, so what if that means I don't get to shower, it also means that no one will be neglected, even for a minute and that's most important. So to those who keep insisting "I just couldnt ever let my child cry it out", try having 2 babies and you'll have no choice in the matter.

Oh and Jennifer Lopez can go fuck herself too with her "perfectly amazing life after having twins". The bitch is worth MILLIONS. If I have to see one more damned news story on how "brave and awesome" she is after having twins, I'm going to vomit. If I had her money, I'd have a slamming body too and perfectly happy babies who get attention 24/7. She can go to hell. I'd like her to live my life for a day. All her hair would fall out and she'd gain 10 lbs even though she barely eats because she's to busy!! Good luck there "Jenny on the block"...sodded cow.

Enjoy your day.

No I am not the writer in this family

Well, I'm not the accomplished writer in this house but since my husband is "busy", I'll start this little venture.

Hi....I'm Nora and I have fraternal twin 3 month olds, John and Charlotte (aka "JD" and "Teenie"). My beautiful children were born in October and have been the center of my world from day 1. This blog will be an ongoing chronicle of their "firsts" and seconds and my daily bitchy ramblings on other various subjects that pop into my stay at home noggin which means all sorts of stuff that means nothing to anyone but me really. I guess I should give a little info about me. I'm 35 soon to be 36 and recently left my job of 7 years to stay home with my babies and have been married to my husband Barry for almost 5 years, I'm overweight and suffer from postpartum too and yeah, I'll probably go into all that later on.... So there you have it....and here I will begin on my first complaint of the day.

The Grammys....specifically the Michael Jackson "Tribute". WTF was that crap? Why was it in 3D? Does the entire country have 3D glasses just sitting around in their homes? Lord knows I don't and it was just plain stupid! Out of all the good MJ songs they chose that one? BLAH!!!! It was so horrible it made Teenie cry! Also, I'm sorry but those kids are NOT HIS blood, HELLO? Anyone ever actually look at them? COME ON! That poor boy looks like a drug addict in waiting. I'm sure that's a really mean thing for me to say but are you seriously telling me those kids are going to have "normal" lives after how they've been raised? Hell no, it's going to take eons of therapy and medication to help them adjust to normal lives. They really should go to homes OTHER than anyone with the last name Jackson. Joe Jackson is just waiting to turn them into little money making machines for him so he can roll around in the cash. Someone needs to get them away from him before he damages them like he did his own children.

Moving on....Jenna Bush Hager PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop reporting on the Today Show. You even make Matt Lauer uncomfortable. You look like a deer caught in headlights and your voice is shaky. Just because your father was President (not by my votes EVER) does not entitle you to ruin my morning show. Please stop it. On the plus side, Hoda is back today, YAY! Other than Kristen Chenoweth (love her) with Kathie Lee last week, it was lame.

Oh good, Teenie just passed some gas, hopefully she pooped. She's been making that face all morning, all parents know the face, all red and the eyes get huge and there's grunting involved. Yes, I'm going to be discussing the twins "bowel movements". It's what new parents do. It's sad and pathetic and I am fully aware that the main discussion I have with my husband revolves around poop....the color, the amount, texture, and so forth.... its not far from when I used to work full time and we'd talk about poop in the office....yes, we really did. Probably more so than I do now. How I miss those guys.

The twins are also both teething which SUCKS. It's early for teething too which is even worse. They do not yet possess the motor skills to hold something and chew it so there's a lot of discomfort, mainly for the boy. He's handling this worse than his sister who chews her fingers and drools. Apparently Baby Orajel tastes like complete shit because the reaction I get from John is rather like if you shoved a giant piece of poop in your mouth, lots of gagging and screaming and now that happens just as I pick up the TUBE! Drama anyone? Tylenol seems to work too thankfully.

Well so far today I have sheets in the wash and I was able to shower, this proves that the day was indeed productive for me. That may seem pathetic and sad in your opinion but it's a damn accomplishment in my book. Hopefully I can get the kids outside for a walk today because it's supposed to rain the rest of the week. They're napping in their swings at the moment. They only sleep in their swings. We are aware that they should be in their cribs, believe me, FULLY aware and I hear all manner of shit about it from my mother on a daily basis. BUT she doesnt live here and has nothing keeping her awake night after night so she can cram it. There are some doctors that say the swings are fine and others who do not. Our pediatrician is one who does not like it but SHE DOESN'T LIVE HERE and these damn things have been a godsend for us. If it was not for the swings, we'd have completely lost our minds from lack of sleep. We have to get them into the cribs, we know this and want it to happen. John, when put in his crib, flails around like his ass is on fire, its the most annoying thing you will ever see and it looks horrible to watch. He grunts and groans and then has a total meltdown. Usually, when you pick him up, he burps. Now, WHY is the crib giving my kid gas???? When both babies are on their play mats, they tend to have meltdowns eventually and it's always gas related. So it feels like neither of them will ever be able to sleep on their backs like they're "supposed" to?! ARGH!!!!!

Havent seen Monkey our diabetic cat yet this morning, she must be hiding under the bed. She had tail surgery a couple weeks ago for a giant cyst and in the process we learned that she was diabetic. Well, she's 22 1/2 lbs so that makes sense. Our other cat Bean is like 8 lbs and only has 4 teeth yet dominates the giant lumbering Monkey. I'll not even pretend to understand them, but I love them regardless and am grateful that they don't completely hate me for bringing screaming babies into their perfect little world. Note to anyone who is pregnant and has pets...PAY ATTENTION TO THEM WHEN YOU GET HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL! Both my husband and I have taken special care to paying as much attention to our furry babies as much as possible since the twins have come into our lives. I love the asshole people who were like "Are you going to get rid of the cats when the babies are born?" Why would I? What the hell is wrong with people? You just toss aside an animal because you had kids? Why exactly? The cats have been great around my babies. Monkey doesn't really want a lot to do with them but if Charlotte is screaming bloody murder, she'll always come around to see what the issue is. Bean likes to sniff them and has even marked John as hers. Now, before you freak out, both my cats are girls and female cats mark their territory by rubbing their heads and mouths on things, they don't pee on things like the male cats do. So chill the hell out.

Well Hoda and Kathie Lee are on now and I need to put sheets in the dryer. Oh good, John is waking up which means that he'll be up in about an hour. He's a slow riser. Charlotte wakes up screaming like she's on fire, just how she came into our world. Pray that no one has major meltdowns please. I need the prayers.

Have a good day people