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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Mother's day means nothing in this house

So mothers day is this weekend...looks like it's just me and the twins. His majesty is going to drive to VA to visit his "friend" on his birthday. Not a milestone birthday...just a birthday....and this friend can't be bothered to drive HERE even though we've been back since SEPTEMBER OF 2010!.... On top of this total disrespectful horseshit, my dad is in the ER at the moment. They think it's kidney stones. I honestly hope it's something that simple. The radiation from his prostate cancer has done a number on him and he keeps having issues. I really can't lose my dad right now.

I already don't feel like I have a man who loves and respects me at home, my dad is the only one left who does.

You know what, screw it, I'm unleashing. I have no intention of getting divorced.....but if I am going to be treated with not ONE shred of respect, then I am going to treat him the same way. I went through freaking HELL getting pregnant and carrying them, for HIM...he wanted these kids SO badly and ever since they've been here, he's gone out of his way to make me feel like a complete asshole for having them. I'm so SORRY I don't shit money out of my asshole and that he has to work to support them. SO SORRY I want their father to pay attention to them, so SORRY I expect their father to watch them so I can go to the bathroom or run to CVS...so SORRY my expectations are so UNREASONABLE!....So SORRY I have been suffering from PPD since they've been born and I'm not properly medicated...and I'm so SORRY that I'm so depressed that I am eating myself to DEATH because of it. The only things stopping me from swallowing a shotgun are these babies who need at least ONE parent to love them and pay attention to them and kiss and hug them, feed them, make sure they don't swallow things they shouldnt be chewing on (John eats lint now, it's very annoying). I'm not sorry I had them, I adore them and would kill anyone who tried to harm them or even looked at them the wrong way. I'm just sorry that I knew this was going to be the outcome all along.

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