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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Feelin sorry for myself

I am raising a monster. I have a 16 month old girl who can scream so loud the windows shake, car alarms go off and my brain cannot take it. I feel like a big freaking failure because I cannot stomach the screaming toddler. I need to make it stop. I am the idiot, pathetic mother who gives in so it stops. I give this 16 month old all the power in the world because I am a stupid ass weakling loser. I am a sad parent. I don't know what to do. I don't want a bratty kid who people can't stand. I don't want her to be excluded because people think she's terrible. I am heartbroken every time she starts in. It's a gut wrenching sound that wakes the dead. She even stands in a corner on her tip toes and screams till she loses her voice. What kind of mother am I to let that happen? What do I do? I have a little girl who loves her momma so much she refuses to let her daddy feed her, comfort her, and sometimes play with her. This breaks my heart. I am her world and as much as I love and adore her, she needs to let other people in. How do I do this? I feel like I am all alone in everything that has to do with my babies. I need help.

On top of this, I have a cat who hates the babies so much, she's pooping and peeing in the cellar because she's mad. This cat is my first "child". I don't want to euthanize my kitty. I don't want to give her away. I love her, she's mine.

My husband got a temp to perm job. I'm alone again with the twins and I am terrified I am screwing up EVERYTHING.

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