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Thursday, March 31, 2011

We should've stayed in LA

My feelings are extremely hurt right now and if anyone takes this personally, I really don't freaking care. I feel more alone here than I did in Los Angeles. My "friends" who "missed me SO much" don't really seem to give a shit that I'm back. I guess that means I was more appealing when I was 3,500 miles away. Whatever. I get that people have lives and shit comes up but you know what? If you don't want to come over then just say it. I'm a big girl (literally), I can take it. Also, being blown off for people who are in their 20's is just sad and annoying. Inside jokes are stupid and childish. I'm pushing 40 for Christ sake, reading "blah blah right?" on someones Facebook is STUPID. Then texting me on "what you should've said was..." makes me madder. Oh I'm sorry I'm not encouraging you to act like you're 20, PARDON ME! Telling me that my attitude is "old"....is PICKING A FIGHT WITH ME!!! You know what's old? YOUR CASE OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT!!

Als0, guess what? Glen is going to die ANY FREAKING MINUTE and I am heartbroken so excuse me for not being in a happy damned mood for you people! I'm sorry I miss him already, I'm sorry that I hear him giggling like a girl when I say Simpson's lines and it makes me cry, I'm sorry I have memories of when we worked together and we'd hang out in the middle of the night on our nights off and drink coffee and laugh at stupid crap and make up silly things, I'm sorry my love for him is getting in the way of your stupid ass good time! I'm sorry I'm handling losing him differently than you are. I'm not YOU! I don't demand you handle grief differently so don't you dare expect me to either.

Bottom line, I'm sorry we came back here. I feel more alone here than I did in Los Angeles. The only people who seems to give a crap about me are my parents and I don't have a right to demand they hang out with me to help me with my sanity. They have lives too, I'm realistic. At least they don't blow me off though. Is this the correct form for me to say my peace? Probably not. I'm extremely upset and was hoping to maybe have one friend to be with here....guess that was to much to ask.

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