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Monday, June 7, 2010

The last 8 years

I think today we should go over the last 8 years and how things are wrapping up here in LA for me. Well, this may just be my opinion but someone said to me the other day "you're leaving? WTF? Well, I never see you but it was always nice knowing you're here"....was that supposed to be a compliment? I actually found that extremely insulting to be honest. I've found a lot of people here who thought of me as "friend" never really treated me like one. To be fair, some have become my friend and I'm hoping will continue to be for years to come, even if it is long distance. I worked in the same place for 8 years. I thought when I left that some of those people would keep in touch since we were like "family". Nope. If I want to talk to them, I have to contact them. I'm tired. I'm going to cut a shitload of ties when I leave here. I was happy here for the majority of years. The last 7 months, not at all. Been wanting out of this place since the day the twins were born. I have never felt as alone in my life as I have since I had the twins. There have been a handful of people who have bothered to come and see them and considering the amount of people we know here, I find that extremely hurtful. To those who couldn't be bothered, thanks for nothing. Thanks for wasting my time, my energy and my friendship. I find myself to be a fierce and loyal friend as is my husband. Bottom line, I don't like wasting my time.

Like I said, I'm tired. I'm also tired of arguing with my spouse. Hence my not speaking verbally around here anymore unless it's to the babies. I'm tired of everything that comes out of my mouth being "wrong". Example. We had a series of earthquakes last night, so he says to me this morning "did you hear that crashing last night? I think it came from upstairs, I thought it was maybe an earthquake but nothing else moved" then I saw on the internet that we did have earthquakes so I mention it and I get (in a snarly ass tone like I'm a complete moron) "NO that's not what I heard". So you know what? Fine. I know nothing, I'm the queen of the idiots, whatever. I'm bloody exhausted, I have a home that I can't keep picked up or clean because he constantly drops shit everywhere, nothing ends up in the garbage unless I put it in there. clothes are always on the floor until the laundry fairy picks it up, washes it and puts it away. Receipts don't shred themselves or get picked up off the damned floor unless I get rid of them. Bottles and dishes always wash themselves too. I'm a housewife, I get it. It's what it is and I'm fine with being home and raising my kids. I'm not however, a house slave and don't like being treated like one.

In other words, I guess I'm not worth a shit around here. I get passive aggressive behavior, I live with it. It was never this bad till I said I wanted to move but NOT to VA, so I guess that makes me some hateful cow. Fine. We never discuss moving and we're supposed to go in September? It's June already. How the bloody hell is that going to happen? Yeah. I'm sure if I was gung ho about VA, we'd be there already.

I'm in complete physical pain, I know this is because I'm obese, I get it. Weird thing is though, I'm not food obsessed. I honestly don't give 2 shits if we have dinner. It's not a concern to me, ever. Watched the Al Roker thing this morning about his weight loss. Good for him. We're all happy for him. I am a bit tired though of people losing weight because of stomach bypass surgery. I'm not getting that surgery and most of us fattys don't have the insurance or recovery time for it. Speaking of, I get more skin removed at the end of the month to see if I have cancer. Probably do and won't do shit about it because heaven forbid I need someone home with me to help with the babies. So whatever. Yeah I'm very pissed off.

Well, I think the twins are napping so I'm going to shower so I smell less horrible. Oh, nope, she's still up. Oh well, doesnt matter.

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