Defeated

I'm totally defeated on so many levels. I made the mistake yesterday of taking these 2 out of the house which made them completely wired for the rest of the day and fussy. Today is shaping up to suck too. I put them down for a nap and got into the shower and could hear the screaming. John took a whole 20 minute nap, she took none. They're both up and fussy and I'm on the verge of tears as usual and have changed my shirt twice from the spit up. Charlotte will try NO new foods, will not open her mouth for even a second to try anything. Last couple days, she won't even eat her cereal for me anymore. I'm really lost with how to deal. I need my mom and friends around and I have no one here.

I have no motivation to even move except to get Charlotte because she's crawling and I don't want her to get hurt.

As far as "Mother's day" is concerned, I don't even want it acknowledged since I don't feel I'm a particularly good mom. Not only that but I just want to be left alone. By everyone.